Broken Road
by LilMissRainbow
Summary: Jasper Swan has a broken life. His mother left him, his father is abusive, and he has to take care of his three younger siblings. Can anyone ever bring back hope in his life?
1. Routines

AN: This story is full of dramatic elements that are not for those who don't like weepy, abuse, sob stories. It also doesn't contain a lot of romance, although love is still one of its elements. So, if you are not fond of drama stories that do not contain romance, then this story is not for you. I did this because I wanted to create a story that doesn't only concentrate on romance and the love lives of the main characters. I know using Twilight as the basis means I should put even an ounce of romance, but I did not. I wanted this story to be different and I hope you guys enjoy it. Thank you!

Disclaimer: I do not own any of the characters and Twilight for that matter. The plot and Ellie, however, are mine.

* * *

**BROKEN ROAD**

Routines

_"As long as habit and routine dictate the pattern of living, new dimensions of the soul will not emerge." ~ Henry Van Dyke_

_~*~*~*~*~_

_**Jasper Swan**_

I woke up at 6:00 at the sound of the alarm clock. Another day and yes, I am still alive. I can't believe that that is actually possible. I immediately turned off the alarm in case it woke my siblings up and banged my head in the bedside table in the process. I was squished to the side of this old king-sized bed and I was almost using the table as a pillow. Good grief. But I really couldn't blame the size of the bed. It was more than enough for one person, but with four people in it, things get a bit crowded.

Yep, I am Jasper Swan, seventeen and a junior and I share this bed (and the room) with my three siblings: Bella, Jacob, and Ellie. Must be embarrassing for someone as old as me. But, the circumstances called for it so I have no choice. As I stood up from the bed to get ready for school and make breakfast, I looked at their sleeping figures. Ellie was still sleeping soundly beside my previous spot and Bella and Jacob were pretty much still in very deep sleeps. I couldn't help but feel a little jealous of all the sleeping time they could get. I had to get up at the crack of dawn to get ready. I quickly shoved those thoughts out of my mind, reminding myself that it was my duty as an older brother. If you _can _call us brothers and sisters.

The four of us didn't look alike. Not even a teeny-tiny bit. I, for example, had honey-blonde wavy hair. My eyes were a light shade of blue and I was relatively lanky. Bella had straight brown hair and her eyes were brown. Jacob's hair was pitch black and his Native American features were very striking. Ellie had very light brown hair that was straight at the top but had little loose curls at the end. She had green eyes whose color almost disappears when she's under the sun. We didn't have anything in common physically. It's complicated.

After I crossed the room to the bathroom, I suddenly became aware of a little throbbing at the back of my head. Dammit, not another migraine. I got them a lot, especially if I didn't get enough sleep. Last night was one of those sleepless nights. Our father, Charlie Swan, most revered police chief of Forks, Washington, got home last night in a bad mood. And, bad mood meant bad night for us.

The four of us shared a secret. A secret we felt we were going to take to our graves. We were being abused by our father, and no one knew about it. It wasn't all physical abuse. He usually just gave a few slaps, punches, and kicks. What hurt more was the verbal abuse. Even if he never laid a finger on us, his words always haunted our nightmares. It all started two years after our Mom, Renee, left us. I was around fourteen, Bella was thirteen, Jacob was twelve and Ellie was five. Apparently, according to what Charlie told us, our mom left because of financial problems. He told us the two of them couldn't agree on that aspect and it was Renee's choice to leave. I wasn't stupid enough to really believe that reason but I have no choice because it's the only reason I can really imagine.

For a twelve year old, at that time (when Renee left), I was fairly perceptive. My parents didn't know, but occasionally, I could see through them. I knew that they really weren't getting along all the time and I knew there was something wrong. They still fed us some information, though.

The four of us knew we had different fathers. And, that was the main complication of everything. We were only half-brothers and sisters. During Renee's marriage with Charlie, she was involved in a lot of affairs and I didn't know how Charlie endured that. Mom did say that when me and Bella were born, Charlie thought we were his. But then, Jacob came and he had Native American qualities. This made Mom reveal that the three of us weren't actually Charlie's. They separated after that and Mom took the three of us with her.

During the time away from Charlie, Mom told us a little about our real fathers, not that the three of us actually asked. She told me that my father's name was Carter Whitlock, and that was all that I got. She also told me that what she had with him wasn't exactly an affair. How on earth was I supposed to understand what she said about "wasn't exactly an affair" at five? I only understand what she said, now that I'm older. Her relationship with Carter Whitlock was only a one-night stand. Not that it made me care. I really couldn't care anymore.

Bella's father, on the other hand, was a real affair. Renee didn't tell us who he was though. She only told us that she loved him very much and I actually had the guts to ask if she loved him more than Charlie. I got grounded for it. Jake's father was obviously Native American and Mom said that was all we were going to get. To me, Jacob's father's genes must have been strong because Jake looked nothing like Renee at all. Not even a little detail. After all those things were brought out into the open, Renee never mentioned our different fathers again. Bella, Jacob, and I ended up forgetting that we weren't really fully blood-related. We never talked about it.

After six years of separation, Renee and Charlie met again in Vegas. From what I have concluded, they reconciled there and I had only the faintest idea on how couples _actually _reconciled. After two months, Mom found out she was pregnant with Ellie. My parents were so happy and the only reason I can think of was because it's their actual _first_ baby. The four of us moved in with Charlie after that. We were already under Charlie's name, Swan, so he had no need to adopt us. The few years after Ellie was born must've been the best years of my life. And, I knew they were never going to happen again.

During the time that we lived with Charlie again, I knew people perceived us as a happy family. They didn't know what was actually happening. Two years after Ellie was born, Renee rekindled with her old habits. She started drinking again and her fights with Charlie started to get a lot more frequent. One day, we woke up and our mom was gone, no note left or even a kiss goodbye. I was twelve, Bella was eleven, Jacob was ten, and Ellie was three. That was the day my mom left and all hope of ever finding her again vanished.

The one thing weird about all of that was that Charlie didn't abuse us right after Renee left. He didn't show any signs that he blamed us for her departure or anything. Sure, he was a lot more cranky, but it wasn't a bother. That is, until two years after Renee left. He came home with a vengeance and took all of that out on Ellie. She was only five. And, I was a fourteen year old boy who had no idea how to protect her.

But, that was three years ago. I've learned a lot since then. I've learned to cook dinner on time so that it would be ready when Charlie came home. I learned to cook, launder, clean the house and clean up after Charlie. I've learned how to raise my three siblings, even though sometimes I feel like a complete failure; I've learned to reject that feeling too, by now. I've learned to endure every blow and insult my Father threw at me, knowing it would only be worse if I fought back. I've learned to stop wishing that our Mother would come back and that she would bring our once happy past with her if she did.

~ * ~ * ~ *~ *~

"Bella, hurry up. We're going to be late," I said, through the bathroom door. It was almost 7:15 and we still had to take Ellie to elementary school. Bella walked out of the bathroom and looked at me. "Is it still obvious?" she asked. I looked at the general area of the bruise she had gained last night. It can barely be seen because she covered it with make-up. Bella was an expert by this time.

"Nope. Good job," I reassured her. It was only one of those times when Charlie got too carried away. He never usually hit us. But when he did, he kinda made sure it was in the most inconvenient place, where it was hard to hide. At least, physical wounds healed. I wasn't so sure about the verbal abuse he did last night. I would have to talk to Bella about that some time, again. She rushed downstairs to get breakfast and I scanned the room just in case we forgot something. Ellie was rummaging through something in the closet and I went over to investigate.

"What are you looking for?" I asked, peeking into the cramped closet the four of us shared. We didn't have a lot of clothes, so we shared the cramped space. She didn't answer. Instantly, I knew it was something serious again, to her at least. She never ignored me like that. Like she was reading my mind, she suddenly faced me and from the look on her face, I knew I was right. She was looking for something serious.

"What is it?" I prompted her. Her eyes filled with tears and she started ranting, "My lucky bracelet! I can't find it! I looked everywhere and Jakey said he didn't hide it from me! I can't find it, Jazzy!" It still startles me how she cries so easily. But then again, she's only eight. And, I knew the bracelet was really special to her. It was mom's. Ellie never went anywhere without it.

"Don't you remember where you put it last? It has to be here somewhere. I mean, it doesn't have legs, so it can't walk on it's own, right?" My attempt at humor failed because Ellie continued crying while wiping the back of her hands on her eyes. I softened my tone.

"You know that crying won't help anything, right?" I asked her. Another one of my failing attempts at teaching her how to be good, something her _parents_ should be doing.

"But you said, it's okay to cry when it hurts," she answered me, sniffling.

"Yes, I did. But, sometimes we have to act first before we give in to our emotions," I knew the advice was kind of heavy for a little kid but I also knew that Ellie understood. She was very perceptive for her age, given our situation. "Besides, we use our eyes and hands to look for things we've lost, not our tears."

"But what if I never find it again. Mommy will get mad at me because I lost it," she told me.

_She won't give a damn_, I muttered to myself, too low for Ellie to hear. My head was still throbbing and any mention of our mother didn't exactly put me in a better mood.

"Don't worry about that. We're going to be late," I answered, handing her a tissue. I took her bag and went downstairs. Bella and Jake were eating in the kitchen. I had already eaten breakfast so I just went outside to wait on the porch. "You guys make sure that's cleaned up before we leave. Charlie might come home in the middle of the day," I said over my shoulder. I sat on the porch swing and just relaxed, even for a little while. It was the only time I had alone.

After about ten minutes, I felt someone tapping me on the shoulder. I realized I had fallen asleep. Well, at least it lessened the migraine a little bit. "Jazzy, let's go." I opened my eyes and the three of them were standing there, like they've been watching me for some time. Ellie giggled and Jacob lightly swatted the back of her head. Ellie glared at him and then looked back at me, still smiling. The two of them confuse me sometimes. One minute the two of them are inseparable, and then the next minute, Ellie would be crying her eyes out because Jacob did something that pissed her off. Put together, though, they were like partners in crime and I was the usual victim. Nothing too serious though, just the occasional pointed staring for example. Like the one they did just now. Good thing, I had Bella as my savior.

"Okay, you two. Leave the old man alone," Bella said, ushering Ellie and Jacob down the porch, whilst giving me a smug grin. _Okay fine, Bella's no savior now._

I stood up and got into the old Rabbit. Charlie had enough care to give me this secondhand car so that he wouldn't have to drive us to school. Not that he actually would drive us, but at least it saves us from walking six blocks to and from school. I pulled out of the drive way and Jacob and Ellie started their daily routine of playing I Spy. They changed the mechanics, though. In their game, one of them would say, "The first one who sees a brown cat...", and so on. They do it back and forth and Ellie doesn't get tired of it. Jacob, however, after two rounds, just plays along and lets her win. I stopped in front of the elementary school and got out of the car, Ellie following suit. Her cheerful mood suddenly disappeared. I took her hand and walked her to the steps. When I let go, she was a little hesitant to do the same. "Ellie, come on. What's wrong?" I asked.

She shook her head and gave me a hug. Her head rested on my stomach; she was small for her age. I patted her head and said, "You'll be fine. Be good." She was still standing at the top of the staircase as we drove off, the other kids passing her by.

"What was wrong with Ellie?" Bella asked. That was one of the most striking traits my sister had. She could notice even the smallest things and the exchange between me and Ellie outside was something she definitely wouldn't miss.

"It was nothing, Bella, " I answered, trying to reassure her. I didn't want her to get too worked up about things. She already did that a lot. But, Ellie acted like that everyday when I dropped her off at school. I'm not saying I'm not bothered by the behavior, but I just let it pass. I know Ellie would come to me if she was having problems at school.

Bella nodded and was silent the rest of the way. I knew, out of the four of us, that she was the one who dreaded school the most. The kids at Forks High, well, they weren't exactly what you'd call nice. Especially to Bella.

The bullying started a few years after Mom left us, around the time Charlie started abusing us. Apparently, the kids found out about what happened to us and a little bit about our background. They knew we had different fathers and that our mother was with many men. Most of what they say have segued from the true story by now. They make things up and spread them everywhere, even though they were far from real. They had no idea about the abuse, though, which was good. Their parents prevented them from saying anything bad about our father, just because he's chief of police. But that didn't stop them from saying anything bad about us. Bella was the usual target and I'd pay a million dollars for that to change. The kids always picked on her, never me or Jacob. I don't know why it's never the two of us but I won't bother to find out. The question wasn't, "Why not me or Jacob?". It was, "Why is it always Bella?". Not one day would pass without one of the kids insulting her or sometimes even hitting her. The three of us don't really have a lot of friends so we stuck together.

I got into the parking lot and we sat in the car for another second or so. I faced my brother and sister. "We're going to be fine," I said, as I always did every morning. Bella refused to look at me and she kept staring at her lap. She never believes me when I say that. I couldn't blame her. I had my doubts, too. Jacob looked at me for a second but then averted his gaze as well. This wasn't going anywhere. "Come on. Let's go," I said as I got out of the car. The moment I stepped out, Lauren Mallory started her daily routine.

"Oh look! The ugly, pathetic ducks are here!"

I was used to ignoring her and putting on a straight face. Jacob had difficulty, seeing as he was now glaring at Lauren. I put a hand on his shoulder, knowing his fighting tendencies. "She's not worth it," I said, shaking my head. We walked to the building together ignoring the usual stares and rude remarks. I always wondered why everyone, and I mean _everyone_, got on with the fun. There was rarely anyone who'd keep quiet and just shut up.

It was our routine to walk one another to class, seeing as it was the worst part. I constantly get worried that Bella would get hurt or Jacob would get into a fight whenever the three of us were apart. Call me an overprotective brother all you want, but our lives are screwed up enough and there won't be any more space for other things. Half of the day passed with nothing eventful happening, although I really wasn't praying for it. I picked my siblings up from their classrooms and headed to lunch. We sat at our usual table, in the corner of the cafeteria. People didn't usually pass here, but Bella still sat between me and Jacob, just in case. We ate in silence and it wasn't unusual. Before I knew it, beside me, Bella burst into tears. I put my sandwich down and turned my chair to the side so that I was facing her.

"What's wrong, sweetie?" I asked, putting a hand on her back.

"It was just in Biology. And, I wasn't ready ---, " But she couldn't continue. I didn't press her, knowing it'll upset her more. Jacob stopped eating and put down his fork, too. He wasn't one to show emotions but it was kind of easy to read it off his face.

"Jake... " I muttered and I shook my head when he looked at me. And just when I thought Bella was starting to calm down, Jessica Stanley comes marching towards our table and kicks Bella's chair. Hard. Bella starts sobbing again and Jacob gets up from his chair. I had to hold him down with one hand, whilst supporting Bella with the other. I didn't want him to get into a fight. Jacob sat back down on his chair and watched Jessica's retreating back. I looked down at Bella and tears were still streaming down her face. She needs to calm down.

"Shhh, it's okay. She's gone now. You're okay," I tried to soothe her as she cried into my chest.

Oh God, when will this end?

~*~*~*~*~

**_Ellie Swan_**

I hate waiting for Jazzy to pick me up. They finish school at 3:30 and I finish at 3. The other kids' parents always pick them up on time and I'm always left sitting here.

My school is nice. The walls are colorful. The classrooms had pretty decorations on the walls. Everything was nice, especially the grass in the playground. Everything except my classmates.

The other kids tease me all the time. They always tell me I'm small and that I have no friends. It's true, I didn't have any friends. But just because everyone was so mean. I didn't know why they were mean. Maybe because of their daddies. Maybe their daddies hit them too, like my daddy does. I hate it when he hits me. But Jazzy, Bella, and Jakey always take care of me so it's okay. But sometimes, Daddy hurts Bella too. And she cries more than I do. But, I'm too small to take care of her. Jazzy always does it. But I don't like seeing Bellsie cry. Jazzy told me it hurts him too. Good thing Daddy doesn't hit Jazzy.

I was drawing a picture on the bench when someone hit me from behind. It stung. I had a _booboo_ there.

"Hey," I said softly, looking back at the person who hit me. It was Rosie. She doesn't like me.

"How come you're still here?" Rosie asked me, crossing her arms across her chest. I was scared to answer her. "_Jazzy_ forgot about you, didn't he?"

I wanted to answer no. Rosie laughed at me and gave high fives to her posse. I felt my eyes were getting wet. I wish Jazzy would come now.

"Itty-bitty Ellie the Duckie got forgotten by her family," Rosie said, and her posse started making crying noises. I felt tears coming down my face. A car honked and Rosie and her posse ran to get into it. It was a big car, way bigger than ours. Rosie was rich, and we weren't. She stuck her tongue out at me as the car went away. I was still crying, so I crumpled my drawing because I got it wet with my tears. I wish I had my lucky bracelet with me. My mommy left it for me before she went away. I can't remember my mommy and Jazzy wouldn't talk to me about her. I wanted to ask Bella but I was scared she'd get upset so I asked Jakey. He was the only one who answered me but he said he couldn't remember much.

Thinking about my bracelet made me cry again and I remember how Jake always teases me because I cry a lot. I don't mean to do that. I don't know why I cry easily. I cry when Daddy hits me, I cry when he says bad things to me, and I cry when I have nightmares. But Jazzy always tells me it's okay to cry, and something about bottles, and eating your insides that I forgot 'cause I didn't understand. Jakey only teases me 'cause he doesn't cry. Ever. Maybe he's jealous.

A car pulled over and Jazzy got out. I wiped my tears so that he wouldn't see. I could never tell my big brother about what happens to me in school. I don't want him to get mad 'cause he's scary when he gets mad. I haven't seen him angry yet because he usually just gives us the silent treatment. And he always tells us that it's Daddy's fault. He picks up my bag as I wipe my hands on my skirt.

"Hey, don't get your clothes dirty," Jazzy said, taking my hand. I didn't answer him 'cause I was scared he'd find out I'm crying.

He stops walking and crouches down so that he's as tall as me. "Are you okay?" he asked. He always asks that question when he picks me up, like he knows I'm not okay. _Everyone makes fun of me. I don't want to go to school anymore._ I wish I could tell him that. I just nod.

"Are you sure?"

I nod again, afraid that if I speak, I might tell him the truth. He doesn't look like he believes me and he walks towards the car again. I get in the back next to Jakey and he pats me on the head. I saw Jazzy and Bella look at each other in the front, like they're having a silent conversation. I know they're talking about me. I look away 'cause now I'm scared of going home. I'm scared of seeing Daddy.

~*~*~*~*~

**_Jasper Swan_**

I got back into the car and looked at Bella, knowing she saw the exchange outside again. From my peripheral vision, I could see Ellie looking at the two of us in the rearview mirror. I quickly looked away from Bella, remembering how Ellie was so perceptive. She jumped to conclusions easily and she probably thought I looked at Bella because of her. I glanced at the rearview mirror and Ellie was looking at her lap now. Her nose was red. She'd been crying.

"Ellie, honey, are you alright?" I asked her. She just nodded. I knew at once that she wasn't entirely truthful. I could see it in her face. And, she didn't usually answer without any words.

"Ellie, please tell me the truth," I said. I was worried. Ellie wasn't usually like this.

"Jazz..." Bella started, but then stopped. She just gave me a look that said, "Don't push her."

I turned my eyes to the road and as I asked, "Why are you crying, sweetie? I don't like it when you're hurting and you're not telling us."

"I'm not crying!" Ellie suddenly said, while tears flowed from her eyes. She started sobbing in the back and Bella told me to pull over. I pulled over at the side of the road, two blocks from our house, instantly feeling guilty. I faced the backseat. "Shhh, it's okay, Ellie. Are you sick?" I asked. She shook her head but she continued sobbing. Jacob gave her her hankie to blow her nose but she pushed his hand away. She was being stubborn. She wasn't usually like this unless she's sick or she was really bothered by something. I put my hand on her forehead. It wasn't even warm. I couldn't even bring myself to think that she was bothered by something and she wasn't telling us.

"What happened, honey?" Bella asked her. Again, Ellie shook her head. "Then what's wrong?" Ellie didn't answer for a few more seconds but she continued crying. She started coughing and Jacob rubbed her back soothingly. She finally said, "I'm scared of going home! I don't want to go home."

I took one of her hands and reassured her, "It's okay, Ellie. We stick together, right? The four of us, we're a team. Don't be scared, sweetie. It's going to be okay." Only the last part was a lie.

She finally nodded and I smoothed her hair back. Her tears hadn't stopped yet, but I knew it was over. She climbed onto Jacob's lap and buried her face in his chest. Bella and I looked back around and I got back onto the road. We got home and me and Bella immediately started preparing for dinner. Charlie would be home in a little while and we had to eat ahead of him. Jacob took Ellie upstairs so that they could start with homework.

"Do you think that was really the reason she was crying?" Bella asked me, as she set the table.

"I don't know. It wasn't her usual crying, but if she's not telling us, then maybe she just doesn't want us to know just yet," I answered, knowing that it was such a poor excuse. It was not that Ellie didn't want us to know. It was more of, _I _don't really want to know.

"I'm worried, Jasper. I mean, it's not unusual for her to cry, but... I don't know. I just feel like she's keeping something from us," Bella said.

"Well, if she was that upset about it, I don't think I'm ready to find out about the reason," I said. The truth was, I hated seeing my sister, or sisters for that matter, cry. I just downright hate it.

Bella didn't answer me and I knew she disagreed with what I said, but she wasn't going to push it. She went upstairs to call Jake and Ellie and I put salad on each of the plates. The four of us sat down in silence as we ate. Ellie was still sniffling. A few minutes later, we heard the police cruiser on the driveway. _Crap_.

Ellie started trembling and I pulled her chair closer to me. We could hear Charlie in the front room, putting his gear away. He padded into the kitchen, seeing us instantly.

"Oh look at you, eating food, as if you deserve it," he growled. I wanted to hit him right there. He suddenly walked towards us and pulled Ellie's hair back. She instantly started sobbing.

"Don't touch her," I said, instinctually. But I knew it would be for no good. I couldn't fight him back, he would just hurt her more. Bella, Jacob and I stood up from the table, Bella instantly clutching my arm.

"Especially you. You ungrateful little BITCH!" He slammed Ellie's head down onto her salad. Jake started forward but I kept him back. I had to fight with my hands, too. Bella was silently crying. Charlie pulled Ellie's hair back and her face was streaked with tears and she couldn't control her sobs. Charlie slapped her. "Stop crying!" Ellie cried more. The sound broke my heart.

Charlie faced us. "You teach this little slut some manners, will you! Teach her so that she wouldn't end up like your fucking mother!" He let go of Ellie's hair and she ran to me. I took her in my arms and she held onto me tightly. She continued to sob and buried her face in the crook of my neck. Charlie exited the kitchen, taking his prepared plate of food with him. I was still breathing heavily and the sound of Jacob kicking his chair made me look up.

"Shit!" Jacob yelled, and I was afraid Charlie would come back in. Thankfully, he didn't. I held Ellie with one arm and placed her on my hip. I faced Bella. "Bells, calm down. Keep Jake in control. I'll just go take Ellie upstairs." Bella nodded and moved forward to wrap her arms around me and Ellie. She was worried and scared, I could tell. But, she would never tell me out loud, especially since I needed to tend to Ellie. She let go of me and went to Jacob to calm him down. I got out of the kitchen, carefully staying as far away from Charlie in the living room as possible, and went up to our bedroom.

Inside, I tried to put Ellie down on the bed but she wouldn't let go of me. She was still crying and her grip on me was starting to get painful so I just held unto her. I got into the bathroom and grabbed the wet washcloth I always kept ready for circumstances like this. I sat back down on the bed, placing Ellie on my lap. I dabbed the washcloth on her face to clean it. A bruise was already forming from the slap Charlie gave her. God, I hate him.

Both of Ellie's hands were still gripping my shirt tightly and I couldn't move properly. "Ellie, it's all right now. I'm right here. You're safe. Calm down. It's okay." Tears still flowed down her cheeks but she didn't say a word to me. She never talked at times like this. It was like her sobs kept her from talking when she was upset. I tried wiping the tears away but others followed. I put the washcloth down and wrapped my arms around her. I rocked her back and forth until the heaves subsided and only tears were left. It hurt me to see her like this; I couldn't look at her face because it would remind me that I couldn't do anything to protect her. She's only eight for Christ's sake. She doesn't deserve any of this. What's more is that she was Charlie's _own_ child. I stroked her long hair away from her face as I looked at her. I pressed a finger lightly on the slight bruise and she winced, pushing my hand away. "No, Jazzy. It hurts." I breathed a sigh of relief. She was talking again and it means the worst is over.

"I know, but we have to put ice on it," I told her as she finally loosened her grip on me. I placed her down on the bed so that I could get an ice pack from downstairs.

"Jazzy, don't leave me here," she said softly behind me. I turned around and she was sitting on the edge of the bed. "I'm scared."

I crouched down to her level. "It'll only be for a few minutes, okay? I'll be right back," I tried to reassure her, but she remained unconvinced. My guilt ate me again, so I gave in. "Okay, come on." I was debating whether or not to carry her. One part of me didn't want to do it because I didn't want to pamper her or baby her. Like a parent, I wanted her to learn to stand on her own feet. But, our situation never cooperated. All the time, I wanted to just hold her close, tell her it's okay. I wanted her to feel the love a parent should be giving to his child. I want her to feel the love that almost every child in the world receives. The kind of love she rarely experiences. She misses out on a lot of things kids her age do. Everything that has happened and is happening in our lives prevents her from having fun and experiencing a proper childhood. She's wise beyond her years but I know that's not enough. She needs to act like a child once in a while, too. While I ponder on all this, I realize that Ellie has stood up in front of me already. Even while standing up, she only barely reached my height.

"What's wrong?" she asked me. Again with her perceptions. She could see right through me. I couldn't keep it in.

"Look, Ellie. I know you understand what kind of situation we're in right now, right? And I know, it doesn't always make us happy. But you do know I'll do everything to make things better, right? Even if I know I fail sometimes, just remember that I love you, Bella, and Jake so much and nothing can ever change that," I explained, getting a few things off my chest.

"But what about Daddy?" Ellie asked, with frown on her face. Somehow, deep down inside her, I knew she wanted, no, _needed_ her Daddy. But, that wasn't something she could get easily. I can't give it to her either. I'm not a proper father. I'm supposed to be _only _her brother.

"He doesn't love us, Ellie. I hope you understand that. He's not an evil person, but that doesn't mean he's good, either. He's just ... human. And sometimes, that gets in the way of things too much," I said, as I placed my hands on her shoulders. I hate making excuses for Charlie but I needed Ellie to understand. "Just promise me you'll always be good. No matter what."

"I promise," Ellie affirmed, leaning in for a hug.

"Now, let's go get that ice," I said, trying to encourage enthusiasm. She reached her arms up, asking me to carry her and I gave in. Right now, I didn't care if I spoiled her not. I didn't care about anything else as long as my siblings are safe. I didn't care if our father was just out there, ready to swing at us at any given opportunity. Quite frankly, I don't give a shit anymore.

* * *

AN: A feisty little pixie will be introduced next chapter. And for anyone who didn't understand their family background, please feel free to ask me. Thank you!


	2. Denial and Hope

AN: Thank you for your response to the last chapter. It meant a lot to me, especially those who reviewed. For anyone who's interested, you can view my blog at http://bigworldlittlesister (dot) blogspot (dot) com . I would be posting previews of succeeding chapters on there in the future. Thank you!

Disclaimer: I do not own any of the characters and Twilight, for that matter. The plot and Ellie, however, are mine.

* * *

**BROKEN ROAD**

Denial and Hope

_"Hope is the denial of reality" ~ Margaret Weis_

~*~*~*~*~

_**Jasper Swan**_

Like I said, life goes on and our routine remains the same. I woke up this morning and the first thought that came to my mind was how I'm going to endure this day. No matter how many times I wake up like this, I still never get used to it. But, I am used to the fact that I have no idea how this day's going to end. Will I still be alive by then?

I heard the police cruiser drive out and I knew we were safe, for now, at least. I already had breakfast ready and I had already eaten mine. Again with the routine. Bella came down, fully dressed, just as I was washing my cereal bowl. Last night, she managed to calm Jacob down but I wasn't so sure if she was able to calm _herself_ down. I instantly feel guilty again because I didn't pay much attention to her last night. She was the one who always got worked up the most among the four of us and I regret forgetting that fact, knowing that she needed her big brother, too. After I got the ice for Ellie, I went back upstairs to put her to bed, leaving Bella to tend to Jake and giving Charlie the opportunity to lash out at them. I forgot my responsibility and now, I didn't know how Bella would react. I was still awake when she went to bed last night, but she didn't know. She cried herself to sleep again, just as she did every night. She always thinks that I never hear her but sometimes, I wake up in the middle of the night and she's still crying. I didn't know if I should tell her I'm still awake when she thinks I'm asleep or offer some form of comfort. I didn't want her to find out that I hear her crying every night because it would crush her. She didn't like people fussing over her and she didn't want all the attention focused on her. My sister was selfless, and sometimes too much for her own good.

Bella sat at the table and started playing with her cereal, not saying a word. I dried my bowl and went over to sit beside her. I casually pretended to fix the other two bowls so that she wouldn't feel embarrassed. Before I got the chance to blurt out an "I'm sorry", Bella spoke first.

"How's Ellie?"

That sentence, right there, is so Bella. She was the one who needed someone to talk to and yet she still manages to think about others first.

"She's okay, I guess. For the time being. She didn't ask about what Charlie said to her but I was scared to bring it up," I found myself surprised that I actually admitted the last part. Truth was, I wasn't scared about talking to Ellie about what Charlie said. I was scared of how she would react if I brought it up. Ellie always had to tendency to shut things like those out, maybe because of her age or because she's endured it for three years now. And, if I opened the topic about Charlie, she might be taken by surprise and that might result in her being in a worse condition than before. I was scared of that.

"She didn't ask?" Bella wondered, and her frown made me guiltier. "Or did you just purposely evade the question?"

"I didn't evade anything because she didn't ask or bring it up," I answered her, truthfully. I could never bear to lie to any of my siblings. I do it everyday and adding more lies won't make anything better. I would do anything to make my usual "It'll be okay" quote to come true. It was the worst lie I could tell them.

"I hate him, Jazz," Bella whispered, turning her attention back to the cereal. Her voice broke. The guilt ate me.

"I'm sorry, Bella. Hell, I don't even know what I'm apologizing for. Just, sorry..." I stammered. I needed her to know that I was here for her and last night was just another one of my slip-ups. I didn't mean to forget her and Jacob.

"It's not your fault, Jazz." She easily caught on. "Ellie needs you more than I do. Besides, not all of us can be Superman," Bella answered, giving me a small smile.

"Just don't be embarrassed to come to me when something's bothering you, okay? I'll always be here, no matter what," I said. It's weird how I have to remind her that she can always come to me. She used to tell me everything before.

Bella nodded. "I know."

I gave her a small hug as I got up from the table. I went upstairs to wake up Ellie and Jacob. I went to Jake first, as he was the hardest to wake up. I patted his back and he looked at me grumpily as he opened his eyes. He went into the bathroom and slammed the door. Bad morning, bad mood. I didn't know if he was just being a hormonal teenage boy or not. I went over to the other side of the bed, where Ellie was lying on her stomach. She couldn't lie on her back since she had a bruise right in the middle of it. Charlie pushed her down the stairs just because _she was in the way,_ two days ago. I desperately wanted to kill him, piece by piece. None of us slept that night. I brushed her long hair from her face as she opened her eyes, puffy from crying.

" 'morning, pumpkin. Sleep good?" I asked her as she got up slowly, careful not to put too much pressure on her back. I sat on the bed and made her stand before me. "Let me check the bruises, okay?" She nodded but I knew she was scared. I could see it in her eyes. "It's okay, honey. I'll make sure it won't hurt too much."

I turned her around and lifted the back of her shirt. The fist-sized bruise was still a little purple but it was already yellowing in places. I put her shirt back down and faced her to me again. The bruise on her face wasn't really obvious but it was slightly purple in some places. She hated make-up so I didn't know how Bella would hide it.

"Does this hurt?" I asked, as I pressed a finger lightly in the general area. Ellie winced and I thought she was going to cry again.

"Just a little," Ellie said softly, yawning as she did so. She rubbed her eyes and I couldn't help but smile at the expression on her face. It was like she hadn't slept in years or something. I patted her on the head and stood up, just as Jacob got out of the bathroom. Ellie's face lightened up when she saw Jacob and she ran to him and gave him a hug. Jacob, pretending to be taken aback, swings her around. The smile I had remained plastered on my face as I watched my two youngest siblings playing around. How I wish we could all just be like this all time.

~*~*~*~*~

History. My most favorite subject of all. It was the only time in school wherein I was truly happy and I actually forget about everything else once I'm in this class. Today was different, though. Bella told me she wasn't feeling too well during lunch and I asked her if she wanted to go home. Deep inside, I wanted her to go home because she was sick and I didn't want her to get hurt anymore. She decided to stay, eventually, since she had a test in English. She wouldn't miss it for anything. I couldn't disagree. They all needed to finish school, no matter what.

Today, we were in the middle of studying the Civil War, a topic I was looking forward to the most. We were to work with our partners and do an activity involving the Confederacy. Partner work was something I always dreaded and I usually ended up getting a low grade because my partner spent the whole period insulting me or shooting me dark looks. I was lucky today. I got partnered with Alice Cullen, a little pixie-like girl, half-my size. She was one of the few people here at Forks High who didn't give us a hard time. I've known her since the fifth grade, since her family moved her from Alaska. All these years, she was never one of those kids who insulted us or ignored us. She went about her own business, not minding what other people might say. She's a little low-profile but I know her father, Dr. Cullen, was one of the most popular physicians here in Forks. She had a twin brother, named Edward, although we've never had close encounters. Alice was the one who was usually in the same classes as me. She was the only person I could really talk to here in school, without any fear of being backstabbed and insulted.

As the two of us began our work, the nagging feeling at the back of my head came back. I couldn't concentrate on my work, worry filling my mind once again. What if Bella got worse? Would she tell me if she was so sick she needed to get home? And Jacob? What if his temper gets in the way? I wouldn't be able to stop him this time.

"Jasper? Hello? Are you still there?" Alice's voice snapped me from my reverie. She was staring at my face as I absentmindedly twirled my pencil.

"Wha --- Oh, I'm sorry, Alice," I said quickly, trying to gain back my composure. She continued to eye me skeptically.

"Are you sure you're okay, Jasper? Is something bothering you?"

What could I tell her? Alice, the four of us are abused by our father and I'm worried about Bella 'cause she's sick and Jacob might get into a fight and Ellie might get hurt when we get home, blah blah blah. I couldn't tell her those things, no matter how much I wanted to. I didn't want anyone to find out about it. And, it wasn't fair to her. She doesn't need to hear a sad, sob story like ours.

Strangely, I felt as if I wanted to tell Alice. Maybe it has something to do with the fact that she doesn't tease us or that she doesn't mind who we really are. There was just something about her that screamed trustworthy.

"Nothing, Alice. I'm fine. Bella's not. I'm just worried. She's sick but she had to sit her test in English," I told her. I was careful not to sugarcoat anything yet at the same time, not come clean completely. I wasn't ready for that.

Alice placed her hand on top of mine and looked me in the eye.

"She'll be okay, Jasper. You're a great big brother," she said and I noticed that her eyes were the brightest shade of blue. Much like mine but hers had a certain twinkle in them. I looked away quickly. Not only did I refuse to believe what she said but I also felt like her gaze melted me or something.

"If things ever go wrong, Jasper, you can always talk to me. I'll be here," Alice said, her hand still on top of mine. I was surprised by her statement. Did she know more things than I thought? No, she can't. I just nodded and she let go of my hand to go back to our work.

I couldn't concentrate all the more after that.

~*~*~*~*~

Bella _was_ sick and by the time we got home, she had vomited twice. She was burning up when she lay down in bed. I didn't know what caused it this time but this was already a regular occurrence. Bella got sick a lot and I didn't know if it was because of the circumstances or if it was really in her nature. I chose the latter since she regularly got sick too, even before we lived with Charlie. At least it was one thing I couldn't blame Charlie for. But, sometimes, he still made it worse.

It was a good thing Charlie chose tonight to eat dinner with his friends. I couldn't bear to have him near us, especially now. I helped Jacob and Ellie with their homework, whilst doing mine and Bella's. She was wrapped in two blankets, yet she was still shivering and I couldn't do anything. We got into bed a little earlier than usual so that we could warm Bella up a little. For the first time in around a month, Ellie didn't sleep next to me. She didn't complain, though, which was good. She understood that Bella needed me this time. Bella threw up once during the night and I was sure she wouldn't be able to go to school tomorrow. And, neither will I. I would never dare leave her alone in the house in the middle of the day. Every time she got sick, I would excuse myself from school, too. That was one thing me and Charlie agreed upon. At the start of the school year, he already wrote to the school, allowing me to be excused whenever one of my siblings was sick. The school believed him, of course. He might not do his job properly if they didn't. Yeah, like that would ever happen.

When I woke up the next morning, I instantly felt Bella's forehead and it was still hot. Definitely no school for both of us today. I waited until the cruiser drove off before I got out of bed. I prepared something a little more special than cereal for breakfast since Jacob and Ellie would have to walk to school today. I've talked to them about that for a thousand times already and they've accepted it by now. So, with two peanut butter and jelly sandwiches in hand, I went upstairs to serve them breakfast in bed. How ironic since they weren't actually the ones who were sick. I set the tray of food down and woke up the two of them. Ellie, waking up immediately, saw the sandwiches and practically jumped out of bed, almost sending Jacob down to the floor.

"Ellie, Ellie, careful. You'll wake up Bella," I scolded, moving over to Jacob who was already stirring. Hmmm, I should make Ellie do that more often.

"These are really good, Jazzy. Why'd you make them?" Ellie asked as she munched on her sandwich. I glanced at Bella and didn't answer. Ellie understood.

"Oh. You're not going to school aren't you?" she acknowledged. She dropped the subject and finished her sandwich. Jacob, finishing his in about twenty seconds, beat Ellie to the bathroom again, resulting in an early morning outburst of emotion. Ellie started screaming at the top of her lungs, making Jacob get out of the bathroom.

"Ellie, stop it. You're making too much noise," I scolded, moving over to where she stood near the bathroom door. I reached over to grab some dirty clothes from the corner and turned to look at Bella. She was still sleeping. "If you don't like Jacob getting into the bathroom first, you should move a little bit more quickly in the morning."

"But it's not my fault I can't eat breakfast as fast as him! I would get undigestion!" Ellie complained.

"It's _indigestion_," I corrected her, throwing the dirty clothes into the hamper.

"You know what I mean," she said, stubbornly, as she sat cross-legged beside the bathroom door. I just shook my head in response. I saw this as typical behavior for an eight year old. It was kind of funny. I could remember Bella acting like this when we were younger. I let it pass.

Jacob eventually left the bathroom and the moment he set foot inside the bedroom, Ellie started slapping him in the stomach, the highest place she could reach. Now, _this _behavior wasn't funny at all. And, I think I knew where she picked it up from.

"Ellie, no! Stop that!" I said, sternly, placing both of my hands on hers. She fought against me but instead, I held her close, hugging her to me. She started crying and I lifted her into my arms. Jacob gave me a small smile and went downstairs. I sat down on the edge of the bed and talked to Ellie.

"You know that hitting Jacob wasn't right. Don't ever do that again. Okay? Never ever hit anyone unless it's for self-defense. Do you understand?"

Ellie nodded. "Okay. Go to the bathroom," I said, trying to make my sentence sound a little less than an order. She got off my lap and sprinted away.

"What was that about?"

I didn't realize Bella was awake already. I turned around and faced her. "How are you feeling?" I asked, fixing the blankets around her.

"Not good. What was wrong with Ellie?" Bella pressed. Nothing gets by her without an explanation.

"She hit Jacob," I answered softly, sitting cross-legged on the bed and picking up my history book from the bedside table. "I don't know how to tell her that's wrong when she experiences it almost everyday."

Bella sat up and rested her back on the headboard, pulling up the blankets. "She thinks everyone's like Dad. She's too young to understand that we're different."

"I don't know how to fix it," I said after a while.

"Me neither," Bella answered quietly.

Soon enough, Ellie comes out of the bedroom and walks over to the bed next to me. She mutters, "I'm sorry, Jazzy." She looked immensely sincere. I kissed her forehead.

"It's okay, sweetie. But, I'm not sure I'm the only one you need to apologize to," I said. She nodded and gave me her hairbrush, asking me to comb her hair. I was used to this already. For a guy, I was an expert when it comes to brushing hair. When I was done, I kissed Bella's forehead and went downstairs with Ellie. Jacob was eating cereal and I wonder how on earth he got hungry that easily. Ellie went up to him and gave him a hug, something that brought another smile to my face. I walked the two of them to the front porch.

"Jake, be careful, okay? No matter what they say, they aren't worth it," I reminded him as I gave Ellie her backpack.

"Fine," Jacob answered but with a grin, like a child forced to do something he didn't want to do yet he was still willing to do it. I felt Ellie pull the hem of my shirt and I crouched down to her level.

"Be good, Ellie," I said, kissing her forehead goodbye. I waited until they rounded the corner before I went back inside. I went into the kitchen to prepare some soup for Bella. I got some Tylenol from the back of the cabinet. I kept our medicines hidden, just in case Charlie decided to take them away. I can't be so sure anymore. I went back upstairs and Bella was lying down again. I put the medicines and tray of food down on the bedside table and held the bowl of soup.

"Come on, Bella. Get up. You need to eat," I said, as I ladled the soup.

"I don't want to throw up again," Bella whispered, hoarsely.

"Nothing will stop you from throwing up, Bells. At least make sure there's something in your stomach, okay?" I said, helping her sit up. I held her back as she took the bowl from me and started sipping the soup. I brushed her hair out of her face and tied it into a ponytail.

"You don't need to do that, Jazz. I can manage," she said. She didn't like it when I made such a huge fuss when she was sick. She was content with me taking care of her but me doing things for her like tying her hair was too much. I didn't mind taking care of her, not at all. It was my job and I had to do it properly. If my siblings needed me, then I'd drop everything to heed to their call. I wouldn't give it a second thought.

After eating, she obediently drank medicine and I told her to take a nap for a while. I ended up having one too and I woke up at around two to hear the phone calling. I ran downstairs to answer it.

"Hello?"

"Hello, this is Mrs. Cope, from Forks High. Is Chief Swan home?" the voice on the other line said. _Oh no, what did Jacob do?_

"No, Mrs. Cope. It's just me, Jasper," I answered, nervously.

"Ah yes, Mr. Banner has informed me about your absence," Mrs. Cope. "As for your brother, Mr. Swan, I have constantly reminded him that fighting in any form is not tolerated in school. I understand you are aware of this?"

_Dammit, not again._ "I'm really sorry, Mrs. Cope. I know Jacob can be a little... but I'm quite sure he didn't mean it completely," I couldn't bring myself to describe Jacob. I couldn't just say _violent, _he's my brother.

"Yes, yes. But still, you will have to go to school to pick him up. The principal has sent him home for the afternoon to think about what he did. You make sure this doesn't happen again, Mr. Swan, or your father would have to be notified. Have a nice day," the line went dead. Oh God, what do I do now? It was a good thing the school didn't call Charlie directly. They never did. They knew he was "busy".

Now, I had to decide whether to leave Bella home while I picked up Jacob or not. I couldn't just take her with me; she's sick. I can't just leave her here either; I can't take the risk. I went back upstairs and woke Bella up. I knew telling her about Jacob would make her worry but I needed her to know.

"Bells, I have to go to school for a sec, okay? I have to pick up Jacob," I said.

"Why? What happened? Is he okay?" she stammered, sitting up immediately.

"He just got into some trouble and I have to take him home," I said, cautiously, gauging my sister's reaction. If she got an asthma attack because of this, I would kill myself. Her eyes widened at what I said.

"What? Trouble? How is he?" she cried.

"I don't know yet, Bella. I'll just go pick him up," I said, trying to calm her. I put on a pair of clean denim and an old shirt that lay lying around on the floor. I haven't started the wash yet and we were running low on clothes. I would have to save enough money for a shopping trip, then. I still didn't know if I could risk leaving Bella home or not.

"Bella, will you be okay if I leave you here for a while? I wont be long, I promise," I asked.

She answered without hesitating, "Just get Jacob home safe, Jazz." She lay back down on the bed and wrapped the blankets around her. I reached over and stroked her forehead. "You feel better, okay?" I said. Internally, I prayed that nothing would happen that would make Charlie get home earlier than usual.

The drive to school was a little longer than what I was used to. It was like a huge anchor had been lifted unto my head. The guilt was eating at me again. Two sides were pulling at me today: the side for Bella's sake and the side for Jacob's sake. I didn't know whose pull was stronger but they were like making me decide between my two siblings. I couldn't do that. I can't play favorites. There are really times wherein one needs me more than the other, that's all.

I pulled into the school parking lot and went straight into the administrators' office. There in the waiting room were Jacob and Alice. Alice, I saw, was patting Jacob's back comfortingly. Alice looked up, saw me standing in the doorway, and waved. I quickly walked over to them and stood in front of Jacob. "Are you okay?" I asked.

He looked up at me and I could see a black eye forming. Anger brewed up inside me, instantly. "What happened?"

Jacob didn't answer, but instead shook his head and stood up. He strode over to the door and walked out.

He didn't want to tell me in front of Alice. I sighed and sat down beside her.

"Were you there when it happened?" I asked her.

"No, I wasn't. I just heard some kids shouting outside and my brother told me someone was fighting. I got there the same time as the principal," Alice answered, her voice solemn."I'm sorry, Jasper."

"You know, this happens a lot. Every time we go to school, I worry about this happening," I said, amazed that I had the guts to tell Alice about these things.

Alice looked at me straight in the eyes and once again, her gaze made me feel like I was melting. Those blue eyes were too bright.

"It's okay, Jasper. You can talk to me though, about whatever is bothering you. I'll always be here," she said. Her words sent shivers down my spine and I don't know why. Can she see through me? Can she see that I'm hiding things from her?

"Thanks, Alice. That means so much, more than you know. Thanks for tending to Jacob, too. He needs that once in a while," I said, sincerely grateful.

"Anytime, _Jazz_," Alice said, smiling.

_Jazz_. No one else has ever called me that now besides my siblings. When I was a kid, it was the name I got used to. My family used to call me that a lot. It was back in the days when we were happy, before this chaos started. It was the nickname that I grew up with and it was the same nickname that I've grown to hate. I excused my siblings if they used that name once in a while, at present. It didn't bother me. But hearing the name come from someone else, stirred a different reaction within me.

It was my mother. She was the one who gave me that nickname, no one else. She called me by that name the moment she laid her eyes on me. And, it's for that reason that I hate it.

~*~*~*~*~

I said my goodbyes to Alice and went outside to find Jacob. It didn't take me a lot of time since he was already sitting in the car. I got inside and started the engine.

"Do you want to talk about it?" I asked my brother, as I pulled out of the parking lot. He needed to vent out his emotions. There's no use bottling them up. He was with me now, he was with family. He can get mad all he wanted. No one's stopping him now. I would give him the liberty to shout inside this car if that would help alleviate his anger.

"I just hate them. I hate them," he said, angrily, but his voice was low. "They can't just call Bella those things. They're the _bitches, _not her. It's not my fault I want to protect our family."

"But, Jake, violence won't solve anything. You know that, right?" I asked him, keeping the brewing anger inside me to the minimum.

"What else could I do?! They were insulting my sister! In my face!" he said, his voice rising. "They can't just do that!"

"I know, Jacob," was all I could say. His words dissolved the anger within me and I started to empathize with him. No one can insult Bella. Ever. We stopped talking after that. The incident was behind us now. What's done is done. There's no use speaking about the past.

Since it was almost three, I decided to pick up Ellie from school on our way home. I parked the car in front of the elementary school and waited. Jacob was back to his laughing, cheerful mood, and we talked to pass the time. Apparently, he had the ability to create jokes out of the simplest things, like the ants on the pavement or the dust collecting on the dashboard. They were corny, but I was laughing so hard at the same time.

I heard the dismissal bell ring and tried to calm my laughter down. I got out of the car so that when Ellie got out, she'd be surprised to see me. She always complained about being the last to be fetched, and now, she'd be the first one. But, when I saw Ellie appear at the top of the stairs, all thoughts of a surprise escaped my mind. She was crying, hard. _Oh no, what happened now?_

She saw me right away and ran down the steps, straight into my arms. I picked her up and she buried her face in my shoulder. I rubbed her back soothingly as I walked to the car and Jacob instantly opened his door. I handed Ellie over to him and got inside the driver's side. Ellie was sobbing as she sat on Jacob's lap, facing me. I noticed a tear on her pants.

"What happened to this, honey?" I asked. As I pulled the torn fabric away and looked at her scraped knee. It wasn't bleeding but there were around six to eight gashes. No wonder she's crying so hard. She didn't answer my question. She just continued crying and clutched Jacob's shirt. I fixed her pants and stroked her cheek. "It's okay, it's okay. We'll get you home so that we can put medicine, okay?" I soothed her. I drove home as fast as I can, thinking about how I was going to explain this to Bella. I leave home to solve one problem and I come back with _another _problem. I'm not helping her recover, at all.

When I pulled into our driveway, I was thankful the cruiser wasn't there yet. Hopefully, Charlie would still be on night shift. I ran into the house, Jacob and Ellie following behind me. Bella was reading a book in the bedroom when I got in.

"Is he okay?" she asked immediately. I rummaged around the bedside table drawer looking for medicine. She noticed. "What are you looking for? she asked, without giving me the chance to answer her first question.

"Jacob's fine. I talked to him already," I reassured her. She didn't need to know the reason behind Jacob's brawl. "Ellie scraped her knee at school, though."

Bella threw the covers of off her and started to stand up. "What?!"

"Bella, calm down. It's just a scrape. She's been crying but she'll be okay. Get back in bed," I scolded and her expression changed. I softened my tone. Clutching the medicine in my hand, I went over her. "I'm sorry. Just, don't get yourself worked up. Are you feeling any better?" I asked as I felt her forehead. It was warm now, better than before.

"Yeah, I guess."

"Okay, I'll just be downstairs if you need anything," I said, leaving the room. I went downstairs to see Jacob on the couch, with a still crying Ellie on his lap. I took her from him and went into the kitchen. In there, I sat her down on the counter and went to get some ice for Jacob's eye.

"Jake, put this on your eye," I called from the kitchen. He took the ice from me and went upstairs without another word. I turned my attention back to my baby sister.

"Does it still hurt?" I asked, although I already knew the answer.

"Yes," she whimpered, tears streaming down her face. I got a basin of water from the sink and a wet cloth. I kept those necessities ready for cases like this. I pulled her pants up to her knee and examined the scrape. I'm no doctor but by now, I knew how to remedy these things like an expert. For my standard, that is. I cleaned the wound and rubbed the medicine on it. Afterwards, I let Ellie choose her band aid. I held out the four-color choices we had.

"Pink," Ellie said, softly. I peeled the wrapping off the pink one with ribbons and put it on her knee. I put my supplies away and Ellie still hadn't stopped crying.

"What's wrong, honey? Does anything else hurt?" I asked her worriedly. What else could there be?

She shook her head and started to sob. She wrapped her arms around my neck, her tears staining my shirt. "It's okay, sweetie. I'm right here," I chanted again and again. We must've stayed like that for about fifteen minutes but she was still sobbing her heart out. Now, I'm really worried.

"Honey, please talk to me. What's wrong?" I asked, pulling her away from me but she wouldn't let go. She wouldn't answer me.

I sighed and picked her up from the counter. I brought her upstairs, hoping Bella or Jacob could get an answer from her. When I got into the room, Bella was helping Jacob with his homework. The two of them looked up at me, confused, as they took in Ellie's sobbing form. I looked back at them with a desperate look in my eyes. I honestly didn't know what to do. Bella stood up from the bed and I didn't object. Nothing would stop her now. She put a hand on our little sister's back and carried her. Bella sat down on the bed with Ellie on her lap and rocked her back and forth while whispering soothing words in her ear. Jacob and I exchanged worried glances.

After a while, Ellie stopped sobbing, but the tears continued to flow. Bella looked up at me, a worried expression on her face. This wasn't normal. Ellie never cried like this, no matter how hard the beating was. The longest she's ever cried her eyes out was the first time Charlie hit her, and that didn't even last fifteen minutes. Something was bothering her. Bad.

There was only one possibility: Whatever caused this distress happened at school. She was cheerful when she left home this morning and I was pretty sure we didn't do anything to make her cry like this. The bathroom incident with Jacob earlier was not bad enough to cause this. She's had worse. This possibility made me a whole lot more worried. Ellie was the only one who can tell me about what happened and she doesn't look like she's going to talk anytime soon. I didn't like seeing her upset, especially when I didn't know why.

What do I do? All I can see is a dead end with no answers.

"Jazz..." Bella said, looking at me from where she sat on the bed. Her eyes were desperate now.

But, the desperate look in her eyes wasn't what caught my attention. It was what she called me.

_Jazz._

I practically leaped from my seat and ran downstairs. I knew it. I knew just who to consult. I ran to the phone and skimmed through the tiny directory next to it. Sometimes, it still pays to have a police chief for a father. I found the number I was looking for and dialed. It took three rings before someone answered.

"Hello?" a familiar voice said through the phone. I felt my muscles relax, bit by bit.

"Hey, uhm, Alice? It's Jasper," I said, tentatively.

"Oh hi, Jasper!"

"Yeah, uhm, remember what you said before. That I could talk to you anytime?" I asked nervously. What if she thought I was such a fool who couldn't handle his own family problems. She's right, though. I am a fool.

"Yes. Of course. Is everything okay?" she asked.

"Yeah... well, actually, no. It's my sister," I started. She didn't say anything so I took that as a sign to continue. "I don't know what happened at school today, but she's been crying nonstop since I picked her up. And, I don't know what to do, Alice. We've tried, but she wouldn't talk to us." I tried to keep my voice as steady as possible, trying stop the nervousness and worry from showing. I sighed, feeling like some kind of weight was lifted from me as I confessed.

"Have you tried, you know... just talking to her? Tell her it's okay?" she asked.

"We _have_, Alice," I said, my tone sounding more desperate.

"Look, _Jazz._ I have to admit, I'm no expert when it comes to kids. But I _am_ an expert when it comes to being a sister. And, a sister will always need her brother," she said, her tone soothing. "No matter how much it hurts, a sister will always come to her brother, because she knows he can do something, even just a _little_ thing, to make her feel better."

I pondered on her words. She continued, "Just be there for her, Jasper. You're her big brother. To her, you're like Superman."

I couldn't help but laugh at her last statement. "Not everyone can be Superman, Alice."

"Fine, then. To her, you're like a _hero_," she said, laughing too. I didn't know what to answer to that.

"Oh, and Jasper?"

"Yeah?" I responded.

"If there's something bothering you, anything at all, I'm always here to talk," She laughed again. "I know I sound like a broken record and everything, but, I just want to help."

Now, I had the same feeling that she could see right through me again. A part of me wanted to come clean at once but there was still a portion that held it back. But, I felt as if, I _wanted _Alice to know. About everything. No matter how fucked up it is. I don't understand myself.

"I don't know, Alice. I just, don't understand at the moment. But, thanks. It means a lot to me," I answered, quietly. _Why am I reacting like this?_

"Okay, _Jazz_. Thanks too, " she answered timidly and I thought I heard someone snicker in the background. Edward, maybe.

"Bye," I said, putting the phone down. What was happening to me? It's like I turned into jelly.

I rushed back upstairs and this time, Ellie was with Jacob. Bella was in the bathroom. Well, might as well try my best.

I crouched down in front of Jacob and Ellie. "Hey, little one. Come here." I stretched my arms out and Ellie conceded. I carried her and sat on the old rocking chair, with her on my lap. This rocking chair was older than her and Jacob. It has been sitting in this corner ever since Bella's baby days. It was the only living evidence that we have had _that_ past. I rocked her while talking to her, just like Alice said. I told her that it was okay, and that she could tell me what was bothering her when she was ready. Again, I told her it was okay to cry when it hurts, just like I did a thousand times before. Her tears never stopped the whole time I did all these and she ended up crying herself to sleep, right there, in my arms, in the rocking chair. As she slumbered, I couldn't help but marvel at the peaceful look on her face. I rarely see that anymore. If only there was some way I could keep that peaceful face and treasure it forever.

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AN: Please don't hesitate to review. Anyone who reviews gets a preview of the next chapter. The length of the preview depends on the length of the review. Sorry, but that's that. Thank you!


	3. Truth

AN: I almost had a major plot change in this chapter but thankfully, I decided against it. The flow of the story remains the same.

Many thanks to **juniper294** for helping me out in this chapter!

Disclaimer: I do not own any of the characters and Twilight for that matter. The plot and Ellie, however are mine.

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**BROKEN ROAD**

Telling the Truth

_"Truth has no special time of its own. Its hour is now --- always and indeed most truly when it seems unsuitable to actual circumstances." ~ Albert Schweitzer_

~*~*~*~*~

**_Jasper Swan_**

I woke up, suddenly, from a dream that for a moment, felt like reality. In the dream, it was just me, Bella, and Jacob with my mom. We were at the house we lived in before we moved in with Charlie. I remembered the tree house and the wide backyard and how I used to tease Bella because she wasn't allowed to play with us. Mom was smiling and laughing and... we were happy.

Too bad it was just a stupid dream. A dream that would never come true. A dream I had no hope in believing in.

As I zap back to reality, again, I became aware of a throbbing at the back of my head. What time did I fall asleep last night? Or, this morning? These thoughts brought back the memories of last night. Oh, so that's why I'm sitting in the rocking chair. I brushed a strand of wavy hair from my eye and looked down at my little sister, whom I was holding in my arms. Her face still held that peaceful mask, despite the streaks of tears on her cheeks. One of her hands clutched my shirt lightly but I didn't bother to remove it. One of my arms was numb too from holding her head but I couldn't care less. I was holding her and this way, I knew she was safe, even though the real terror is coming from inside her. My mind couldn't come up with a good enough reason for her breakdown yesterday. I couldn't think of anything that happened yesterday that would make my little sister hurt like that. It was too painful to think that something would make her hurt that much when she was just too innocent and pure. I'm actually very thankful that I was sure it wasn't Charlie who hurt her yesterday. I wouldn't be able to defend her if that was the case. Ellie would never hurt a fly and whoever caused her distress this time would definitely have to go through me. Never, in my whole life, would I ever wish to see her that way again.

I was in denial, I guess. I was probably too caught up with the tiny tinge of hope that everything in our life is okay. I didn't even want to think that there are things in this world that could actually hurt us. My mind was too preoccupied with thoughts of our past that I forgot to live in the present. What's done is done, I can't change them anymore. What's important is what's happening now. Now, I have to be an older brother. A brother who'll always be there to tell his siblings it's okay, even though it's not. A brother to hold them when they need me and even sometimes when they don't. I would always tell them everything is going to be all right, when deep down, I myself doubted my own words. It was my job to give them hope. Hope that I couldn't find in myself. That's why I couldn't do my job well.

But, I can't just lie and give them _false_ hope, either. Actually, that was worse than lying to them. When I lie, I just don't tell the truth. But, giving them false hope was more like I was bending and twisting the truth into something that is more than just intangible. I would shatter the very values I raised them with. I would destroy their own hopes, not just mine. It was better for them to have their own dreams because I didn't have anything left in me anymore.

I tried dozing off again after a while but I couldn't get back to sleep. I glanced at the clock and it said 5:30. Might as well be an early bird today. I carried Ellie to the bed and lay her down beside Bella. I got dressed and went downstairs to make breakfast. I glanced out the window, just to be sure. The cruiser wasn't here yet. I prepared our daily dose of cereal and was surprised when Jacob came padding down into the kitchen, already fully dressed. He never woke up this early, it was only 6:15.

My only brother was someone I pondered a lot on. Once or twice, I would always wonder why there really isn't even an ounce of Renee in him. His features were purely Native American, without even a single evidence of his mother's features. You'd actually think that _both _of his parents were Native Americans. I guess his father just really had strong genes. Jacob never asked, even as a kid, who he really looked like, though. When we lived with our mom, he never asked why he didn't look like her even though mom always told us that she saw herself in Bella. He wasn't the usual curious child, I guess. I myself never asked, either. Bella, on the other hand, asked a lot. She didn't look like mom but she had mom's beauty in her features, and so does Ellie. My sisters were mixtures of their parents but my mom's beauty shone in both of them. Physically. Mom wasn't beautiful in the inside, that I was sure. Ellie, though, was the exact copy of Renee. She had the same nose, the same mouth, and even the same shade of skin. Only the eyes were different; Renee had blue ones (like mine) and Ellie's were green. I hated the fact that she looked like Mom when they were actually polar opposites of each other. And, Renee was in the negative pole. Also, I hated it because it was the reason why Charlie hated her so much. Ellie was like a walking reminder of mom so when Charlie sees her, he sees mom, not his child. That's why he takes out his anger at Renee on Ellie. He's too blind to see what it's done to his child. She doesn't even remember her own mom.

Jacob saw me looking at him incredulously and chuckled. "I know. I'm surprised that I'm already awake, too." I laughed along with him as we ate our cereal together. Then, we both became serious again.

"I couldn't sleep well, that's why," Jacob admitted, as he put his bowl in the sink. He ate his breakfast in three minutes. He leaned against the counter.

"Yeah, me neither," I admitted too, putting my spoon down. The reason why I didn't sleep well prevented me from finishing my breakfast. The little pieces of Cheerios looked soggy to me.

The best thing about talking to Jacob was that I didn't need to explain myself too much. We didn't need to talk about why we didn't sleep well. We already both knew the reason. With that, we knew we understood each other at once. No use talking about it. It must have something to do with the Y chromosome, even though we didn't share ours.

"You're going to have to talk to her, right?" he asked me, grabbing my bowl of cereal from me, seeing as I really won't be able to finish it. I didn't object.

"I have to. She can't keep it from us for that long," I said, rising from the table and went to the sink to wash my hands. Jacob finished my cereal. I really needed Ellie to talk. I wanted her to talk and release the pain through words, even if all I could do was listen. Sometimes, crying alone isn't enough to make you feel better. With my sister, it made it worse, seeing as all she could do was cry. She needed to talk, and someone she could talk to, without any fear of being judged or humiliated.

I went back upstairs and into our bedroom. Bella was already awake and fixing her hair. She gave me a small smile as I entered but I can see how forced it was. I didn't blame her. I smiled like that all the time. She left the room without another word, probably knowing that I needed this time alone with Ellie. My baby sister was still sleeping soundly and I didn't know if waking her up early would put her in a better mood or not. I sat beside her on the bed and patted her back. She woke up almost immediately but when she looked at me, her eyes filled up with tears instantly.

"I don't want to go to school," she sobbed, not bothering to get up. The expression of hurt in her face broke my heart all over again. I lifted her up in my arms and placed her on my lap.

"Why not, sweetie? Come on, you can talk to me," I soothed her, stroking her cheek as she looked up at me, tears streaming down her face. So it must've really happened at school, whatever was bothering her. What other reason would she have to not want to go to school? "I know it hurts, but you have to talk, honey."

"I don't want to go! They'll tease me again, Jazzy," she whimpered .She sobbed louder after she said that.

_Teased._

"What do you mean? Who teased you?" I asked, trying to keep my voice level to the minimum. I didn't want Ellie to think that I was mad. Okay, I _am _mad, but she might misinterpret my anger if I show it. She's too vulnerable right now. I sure do hope the teasing just happened once. After all, this was the only time Ellie cried because of school.

"Everyone!" Ellie wailed. "Everyone makes fun of me, Jazzy. They told me I was too...small...and that you don't love me! And they say you will forget me someday!" She coughed from sobbing too much but she clutched me harder. I didn't know how I would react to her words. Seriously, elementary school _kids_ had the guts to say those things? Of course, my little sister would believe that. She was kind-hearted and she'd trust anyone. I decided to process things rationally.

"Ellie, look at me," I said, as I held her shoulders away to get a good look at her. Her eyes were bloodshot from crying since yesterday, but otherwise, she was focused. "Since when has this been happening?"

She sniffed, trying to breathe, before she answered. "Ever since first grade." She ducked her head in my chest, as if she was ashamed to tell me.

_Ever since first grade_. But that was more than a year ago already. That long? How come I've never noticed? Was I that blind or ignorant to not see my sister hurting every single day? God, I really am a failure as a brother. I could've helped her cope if I knew. She wouldn't have had to bottle it all up inside her and hide it from me. She wouldn't have had that breakdown last night if I'd been able to open my eyes and really see what she was going through. What was happening to me? I thought I was doing everything to keep her safe. Somehow, in someway, things always manage to get past my attempts at protecting her. I had really fucked up this time. And bad. I crushed my little sister to my chest.

"I'm so sorry," I murmured into her hair. She pulled back away from me and for a second, I thought she was angry. Frowning, she asked, "Aren't you mad at me?"

"Why would I be mad at you, sweetie?" I asked, confused. She had a look of disbelief on her face that I didn't understand. At least she stopped crying already, finally.

"Because I didn't tell you the truth. I didn't tell you at once," she said. Oh, now I see where she was coming from. Come to think of it, _why_ didn't she tell me at once? But, what difference would that make. The fact that she was being bullied at school meant I wasn't doing my job properly. Just like what happens to Bella at school. If I could just stand up against the other kids, Bella wouldn't have to go through that everyday. But no, I was too much of a coward, and I resent myself for that.

Ellie took my silence as a sign for her to continue. "I didn't tell you because I didn't want you to get mad at me." Her eyes filled with tears again. I wiped away those that managed to escape.

"I would never get mad at you for that, sweetheart. That's a promise. You were scared, I understand that. But, that's not enough reason for me to get angry at you," I told her, and I meant it. No matter how big my siblings' mistakes are, I would always forgive them. They were all I had left. I loved them to death. But the fact that both Bella and Ellie were being bullied at school bothered me. What had the two of them done to deserve that treatment. Of all the people I knew in the world, the two of them were the most loving and tenderhearted. No one could even bear to think anything negative about them. Of course, I don't know if I was just being biased because I'm their brother. But, that was how I really saw them. It hurts to think that other people are too blind to see them for who they really are.

Ellie looked at me for a second, then her face broke into a huge smile. I smiled back at her, an authentic one this time. I hugged her tightly, vowing to myself that I would never risk losing this warmth again. This was my family, I can't just let that go.

After a while, I let Ellie go to the bathroom and get dressed. I went back downstairs, knowing I would have to face the inevitable: telling Bella and Jacob. I would try to make this as easy as possible. Luckily, the two of them didn't give me a hard time. They were both silent as I retold what Ellie said to me upstairs. Bella only started crying when I told them how long this has been happening to Ellie. I knew she'd be affected by that. She asked why Ellie didn't tell us earlier. I told her the same reason Ellie told me; there's no use sugarcoating anything. Jacob, on the other hand, remained silent all throughout. He didn't ask a single question and I couldn't read any emotion off his face. It was like he was trying to keep his emotions and reactions from me. Bella continued worrying, though. I reassured her, saying that Ellie was tough, and that she'd be able to get past this. I didn't know if I should believe what I said, but I had to. For both of my sisters' sakes.

I thought the worst was over. Ellie came down from the bathroom, ate her breakfast, but didn't want to leave the kitchen. She told me she just wanted to wash her bowl, so I let her. Ten minutes later, it was almost time to go and Ellie still hadn't finished washing the bowl. I went back inside the house to investigate. I looked in the kitchen and Ellie wasn't there. I searched around the house and finally found her in the laundry room, hiding in the corner beside the washing machine. Her first words to me were: "I don't want to go."

I sighed, exasperatedly. She looked up at me with a pleading look in her eyes, her arms wrapped around her knees. I knew that look very well. It was the same look that crushes my heart into several pieces, making me give in to whatever she asks of me. I wasn't going to give in easily this time. School was a different matter. I squatted in front of her, making my tone as serious and as firm as possible to make sure my heart won't give in.

"You have to. I've told you again and again, you have to finish school. It's the only thing that will get you out of this ditch."

She shook her head furiously and wrapped her arms tighter around her knees. "I'm scared, Jazzy." When she said that, all I wanted to do was cradle her in my arms and never let go. I wanted her to feel safe. School's supposed to be her second _home. _She's supposed to feel safe there. Maybe it being her second home doesn't work out because she doesn't even experience her_ real home_ in the first place. "I don't want to go. I'm too little, they'll hurt me again." Her voice broke, the same time her words broke my heart. I did the only thing I could think of and scooped her up in my arms. She hugged me tightly and I hugged her back. I was already debating within myself. The part of me that so wanted to give in fought desperately against the rational part. Luckily, I still believed in mind over matter.

"Ellie," I started, holding her head to my shoulder and whispering in her ear. "You are not little, okay? Outside, yeah, maybe you're still a little small. But, that would never affect the inside. You're a very good person and being small won't ever change that. You have to go. No matter what, school will always be important." She shook her head again and I could hear that she had started crying already. God, when do I ever _not_ make her cry? I decided to use my last resort.

"Mommy would've wanted you to go," I said, closing my eyes, praying that this would work. If it won't, then nothing will. Pulling out the Mom card was something I had to take a risk with. Not only was it painful but it also triggered anger within me and I didn't need that right now. "She would've wanted you to go to school. Before, she always told us to go because it's our second home, and we should love it." I wanted to laugh at my feeble words. Or rather, my mother's feeble words. I never believed her, not even once. Ellie looked up at me, the tears freely flowing from her puffy eyes.

"Why does home always have to hurt, Jazzy? Why do you have to be hit when you're in it?" she asked me.

_Home_. She doesn't even know the real concept of home. Growing up, she learned that home is where you are insulted, where you are hit, where you are left to fend for your own self. She never experienced what home really is. Home where you have your parents, you're loved, and you're happy. She's never had that. And she's grown up to believe that home is the complete opposite of happiness. I sat down on the floor and placed her on my lap. I needed to explain this because some other day might be too late. I wiped the tears from her face first and made her look at me.

"Ellie, home shouldn't hurt. Home is where you should feel loved, your parents take you to school, you get to eat food three times a day without anyone telling you you don't deserve it. In a real home, your parents don't hit you. They can get mad, yes, but never, in their whole lives, would they think to insult you or deprive you from anything you need,"I said, praying that she'd understand. "When it hurts, that's not home, Ellie. Home should be the place you go to when you are hurt, not the other way around."

Tears formed in her eyes again and sadness was very evident in her face. "I don't understand," she whimpered. I sighed and looked at the ceiling. She started sobbing. I wanted to cry, too, but I knew that I couldn't. How can I ever explain to her that we're different?

"Because we're not home, Ellie! That's it! We're not supposed to be here in the first place. This _isn't _home!"

I couldn't control my anger. I just couldn't. I was just so frustrated at the concept of explaining what home is to an eight year old. I shouldn't be doing that. You can't just explain what home is in words and examples. It doesn't work that way. Home should be _felt_, not taught. Besides, why do _I _have to do it? I'm not her dad. This shouldn't be my fucking job. I'm supposed to feel what home is too. Hell, I don't even know what it really is, either!

Suddenly, I felt something shift away from me. My arms were suddenly empty. I was snapped back to reality. Oh my God, what had I done?

I stood up awkwardly from the floor, feeling as if something was taken away from me that I only realized I had, now that it's lost. The first I saw as I stood up was the horrified face of my little sister, cowering against the wall opposite the one I was leaning on. I'm pretty sure the look of terror on her face mirrored mine. I didn't mean to snap at her. My anger was directed at someone else, not her. Didn't I just promise a little while ago that I can never bear to get mad at her? I started to walk over to her and she shrank against the wall, sobbing. She covered her face with her arms as I reached out to her. What happened here? I didn't mean to alienate her from me.

"Ellie, I'm...."

"No, don't hurt me anymore. Please, Daddy, don't," she cried.

_Daddy_? My sister just called me Daddy. Oh my God, it's because I'm mad. She's never seen me like this before, to her, that is. I've never been mad in front of her like this, except for one time I snapped at Charlie, but she was only four when that happened. I could see how she'd associate my behavior with Charlie right now. When Charlie got mad, he'd probably say some evil things and become violent. That must be how I look like to her, something she was so afraid to see. This is the same reason why she didn't tell me she was being bullied at school. She thought I was going to get angry and become like Charlie. Living with him for the past five years didn't exactly make her the happiest child. She was traumatized and the concept of anger didn't exactly help her forget what she had gone through, and what she's still going through. But, how do I make her see that I'm not Charlie? She just called me Daddy, for Christ's sake. Why is it that every situation I have to face must be difficult?

She realized I stopped moving and removed her arms from her face. I tried to put the friendliest mask on and pretend that my anger had completely vanished. The mask seemed to comfort her some, but she continued sobbing and I wondered why Bella hadn't come storming in on us yet.

''Ellie, Daddy's not here. It's me, Jazzy," I said softly, scared that if I spoke loudly and with force, she'd cringe away from me again. "It's okay, I won't hurt you. I promise."

Ellie let out soft cry and crashed into my middle. She was hugging me tightly and I had a little difficulty picking her up in my arms for what seemed like the nth time this day.

"Please don't go away! He'll hurt me if you go away!" she sobbed, as I settled into a chair. I wanted to tell her that Charlie would actually still hurt her, even when I'm there. That's what happens all the time. I don't want to face the situation wherein Charlie would hurt her and I won't be there, though. That was my worst nightmare. I would never bear to look my siblings in the face if that happens. I could never tell Ellie the truth about Charlie's intentions, regarding his abuse. I didn't want her to blame herself for anything. That's why I can't tell her that she's never safe with Charlie, even if I'm around. So I had to stick with the lie.

"He won't hurt you, sweetheart. I'm right here. Jazzy's right here," I said, as she sobbed into my shirt. My subtle attempts at appeasing my anger seemed to work, now that I had my sister back in my arms. She was the one that shifted away from me, barely five minutes ago. Her warmth was what I missed when she ran away from me. It was the same warmth that I vowed never to let go of an hour earlier. I hugged her tighter to me as these thoughts registered in my mind. They made the guilt worse.

"I'm so sorry, Ellie. I know I don't deserve everything good after what I did, but I swear, that would never happen again. If it does, you have the liberty to never speak to me again ever," I said, as I tried to calm her down. I held her in my arms, just as I have for the past five years. It was horrible to think that it's been five years since our mother left us. I can't believe it's been three years since Charlie started abusing us. Time flies by too swiftly for people to notice these days, that's why they have a hard time taking back and redoing what they did wrongly before. It just wasn't fair.

It was ironic, as well. Taking back anything you've done in the past applies to both the postive and the negative things. You always want to go back to the past so that you could take back a mean thing you said or a deed you regret doing. But, what if taking back the wrong you did in the past meant taking back the _right _things, too? What if that one evil deed was the same one that brought forth something beautiful, something precious? As much as I wanted to go back and change how Renee lived her life, I still didn't know if I really wanted to. Renee was the root of everything and I'm not ashamed to admit that I blame her, my own mother, for what has happened to us. If it wasn't for her and her carelessness, we wouldn't have been here suffering in the hands of Charlie. If she wasn't too naive and carefree, my siblings and I wouldn't have had to go through all these. Problem is, that was how Renee was. We could never go back and change what she did. Primarily because, I, Bella, Jacob, and Ellie wouldn't exist if she hadn't committed those mistakes. With those mistakes, she had the four of us, her four children whom she left in the hands of the man she promised to love her whole life. The same man who made her abandon him when she told him the truth about her children and the same man who took her back in when she promised to change for the better. Little did he know that she'd break that promise, just as she did several times before. And now, it's too late. There's no going back. We were the consequences of Renee's actions, yet we were also the one's left to face the ramifications.

After she calmed down a little bit, I carried her into the kitchen and sat her down on the counter. I cleaned her face, making sure the tear streaks were barely seen, but I couldn't do anything about her bloodshot eyes. I hoped no one asked her. I straightened her clothes as she finally stopped crying. I put her down from the counter and held her hand as we walked out of the house. Bella and Jacob looked at me, obviously pressing for answers. There were no answers to give. I wasn't willing to give them any. I got into the driver's seat and drove to school. The three of them were quiet and I wasn't in the mood to talk either. Too much chaos has been overwhelming me for the past days and I just needed some time to think. My mind can't work properly, though. It's too tired of all the thinking and choosing, and comforting and reassurance. Honestly, I needed some time out. But, I knew that was impossible.

Occasionally, I would glance at the rearview mirror to look at Ellie. Out of the three of them, I had to admit that she was the one I paid the most attention to. She wasn't my favorite, don't get me wrong. She was just, in my opinion, the one who needed me the most. I mean, Jacob barely asked for my help (something I can't quite understand) and Bella hated it when I did things for her. So, that left me with Ellie. Though she never asked for my help outrightly, most of the time, she was the one who would come to me for something as simple as a lost shoelace. Plus, she was only eight. Her age was enough reason. If she needed me, then I was going to be there for her.

I parked at the side of the road and wished that Ellie was over it already so that I wouldn't have to drag her out of the car. I turned the engine off and got out without saying a word. If I acted like that, I knew Ellie wouldn't be as stubborn. Sure enough, she got out of the car as well, keeping her head down. I crouched down in front of her and put a hand under her chin. She looked at me with a pleading look in her eyes, knowing that I wasn't about to budge and let her miss school.

"You'll be okay, Ellie. Don't believe anything they say about you. You're strong, sweetheart. You can do it," I encouraged her, placing my hands on her shoulders. "I'll try to get here as soon as I can later, but I really need you to be strong, okay? I won't be here to help you all day, and I'm sorry for that." Her eyes started watering again and I wiped the threatening tears away quickly.

"I love you, Jazzy," she murmured, as she wrapped her arms around my neck.

"Love you too, kiddo," her said, as I held her to me. She pulled away and I straightened her jacket. "Be good." I kissed her forehead. She adjusted her backpack and went up to the stairs. She looked back and I gave her an encouraging smile. I didn't know if she was the one I was encouraging or myself. I hated to admit it but I was worried about her. Extremely worried. But I had to remind myself that she'd be able to get through it. If she was able to cope for one year without any help from me, she'd definitely be able to go through one day _with _my help. I walked back to the car and got in. I started the engine, and looked at Bella, hoping to ask her to talk to Ellie after school. She had her arms wrapped around her knees, her head resting on them as she looked out her window. I heard her sniffle a little and I knew she was crying. Again. Keeping one hand on the steering wheel, I stroked her hair, trying to comfort her. She let out a small sob but didn't look at me. I didn't ask anything. I knew she won't tell me the reason but I already knew what it was.

"Ellie's going to be okay," I said.

"It's our fault," Bella murmured, still not looking at me. Her voice was thick with emotion. I wanted so much to tell her that it was not _our _fault. It was just _mine._ It was my fault. If I wasn't in denial too much, I would've noticed how troubled Ellie was. If I was a better brother, I would've been able to protect her.

"It's not our fault, Bella. No one asked for this," I answered, choosing my words carefully.

"Then why do I feel so awful?" Bella sobbed. I placed my hand on her shoulder, trying my best to calm her down.

"It's alright. It's going to be okay," I tried to reassure her. To my surprise, she shrugged my hand away.

"Stop saying that, Jasper."

I didn't reply.

~*~*~*~*~

The day went by too fast. If I didn't know any better, I would've gotten more than five detentions for not being attentive in class. And that was _before_ lunch. In the afternoon, I was completely out of it_. _But then, Alice was there and the nagging feeling inside me was back again. Will I be able to tell her everything? I've known Alice for seven years now and so far, it was true that she wasn't part of the _crowd._ Meaning, she wasn't one of the people who tormented us everyday. Since finding out the truth about Ellie, I've been thinking. It was the main reason I couldn't concentrate in class all day. It was triggered by how I completely buzzed out the moment I got back in the car on the way to school. I needed someone to talk to. And I meant _someone_, not just my siblings. I needed someone else who wasn't involved in the situation. I know the idea is completely out of the blue but after seeing how much pain Ellie was in, I knew I had to get a hold of myself. Somehow, seeing my baby sister like that made me realize some things. After all these years of coping on my own, making sure my siblings were safe, I finally understood that I needed someone else. I needed help, though not the type of _help _you got from a shrink, no. I just needed...I don't know. Just, someone. Who'd listen even if she can't do anything. Someone I've known enough for so long to trust not to judge me or my brother and sisters. This morning, I wanted Ellie to ventilate her feelings. Is that possible for me, too?

After History, I had free period and I knew Alice had one, too. As much as I hated to let her hear our sob story, I knew I should be doing this for myself. Before, I was so scared to come clean because I knew I wasn't ready. But, what happened with Ellie this morning somehow opened my eyes. I then remembered what Alice had told me several times yesterday and all the other days before that for as long as I can remember. It was like she knew and she was pushing me to tell her because I needed an outlet. She wanted me to talk to her. And, I never listened to her. Well, now I will. I'd talk to my siblings later. Hopefully, they'd stay on my side.

As the class ended, I gathered my books, trying to find out how to say things to Alice. I placed my things in my bag and saw that Alice was still there, collecting some papers. It was now or never.

"Alice?" I started, placing my bag over my shoulder.

''Yeah?" she asked, turning around from the teacher's desk. Her blue eyes pierced mine instantly. I almost stuttered over my next words.

"Can I talk to you?" I asked, tentatively. Part of me wished she'd say no. Her face broke into a smile and she nodded. " Sure, let me just fix these." I waited as she arranged the papers and put away her things. She adjusted her bag on her shoulder and faced me. " Where do you want to talk?"

I shrugged, the nervousness starting to eat me. "Anywhere you want. But, probably somewhere private."

"I know a place," Alice said and led the way out of the classroom. Only a few people were in the halls and I was grateful for that. She stopped in front of the janitor's cupboard. I was surprised.

"In there?" I asked. Alice Cullen, daughter of _the_ Dr. Carlisle Cullen, inside a broom cupboard? It didn't fit.

"Yeah, why not?" she answered me happily, opening the door. She switched on the light but didn't stop there. She moved a chair out of the way revealing a small door in the wall.

"What is that?" I asked, confused again. It was the first time I saw this part of the school. She pushed the door open and got inside. I crouched down and went through after her. The second room was cleaner than the previous one, with one small table in the middle. The walls were covered with old pictures and memorabilia of the school. It looked like it was being cleaned everyday. Alice switched on another light and spun around to face me.

"Edward and I discovered this a few weeks after freshman year started," she explained, looking around the room. "The janitor used it as a storage room for old school things but after a while, he stopped coming in here. He knows that me and Edward come here a lot, though. That's why he keeps the floor and table clean."

So, her and her brother hung out here? It was nice, a little quaint area. "So, you come here a lot?" I asked.

"Well, ever since junior year started, it's gone a little busy so we don't come here together as often as we want to," Alice said, sitting on the floor and motioning for me to do the same. "Edward's got a lot more extracurricular activities than I do, so mostly, I come here alone. It helps me think, you know, and just spend some time with myself."

I couldn't help but feel that I was interfering with her and her brother's personal space. When I said private, I didn't mean this private. "Edward might not be too happy that you showed me your secret space."

"Oh, he doesn't care. As long as I don't do anything stupid," she said, suddenly becoming fidgety with what she said. We lost eye contact. I didn't mean to make her uncomfortable. What I was going to reveal to her was bad enough.

"So, that makes you part of our little secret, then," she continued, finding her composure again. Suddenly, she was serious. "So, what did you want to talk about?"

I took a deep breath and started, "I don't know exactly how I'm going to tell you this, Alice. I literally don't." My admission just confirmed my doubts about this situation. But, I was already here and there was no going back. Alice didn't say anything and I saw that as a sign to continue. But, I couldn't.

"Is it about last night? With your little sister?" Alice prompted me. I nodded. Her mention of my sister suddenly brought back my worry for Ellie. But, I wasn't going to let that get in the way right now. I needed to get what I needed to say off of my chest.

I didn't beat around the bush and got to the point immediately. "Apparently, the kids at her school don't treat her as well as I hoped," I took another deep breath before I continued, "She goes through what Bella has to endure everyday, too." There, I said half of my confession. I was starting to feel the nervousness growing again, knowing that the real revelation wasn't far off.

Alice's expression changed. It turned into something that looked like... sympathy. I looked at my lap in embarrassment. This what I dreaded. I didn't want anyone, especially Alice, to feel sorry for us. I didn't know why but it kind of increased the doubt I had with myself. Maybe, I really was a failure as a brother to deserve such a look.

Alice moved closer to me and put her hand on mine. "It's okay, Jasper." I didn't believe her.

"It's not, Alice. She has to go through it, _everyday_. And she has, for the past year without even telling me. Ellie's only eight, this is too much for her. She already gets hurt too much in home and yet she still has to face that everyday," I said, looking down on my lap again. Alice was still holding my hand. She gasped. I looked at her, attempting to find out what had upset her with what I had just said. And then, I realized it. I had made a slip. She continued to look at me in confusion and I heard her unspoken question. She needed to know more and I needed to explain this to her so that she'd understand. How I wish she will.

"At home?" Alice asked, softly. Again, I nodded.

"Our dad doesn't exactly treat us well," I muttered, looking at my lap again. I heard Alice sigh and her grip on my hand tightened. She scooted closer to me until she was facing me fully. She placed her hand underneath my chin to make me look at her. I reluctantly followed and I was pierced by her bright blue eyes again. This time, they were brimming with tears but I knew she was holding them back. Why do I always make people cry?

"Jazz," she started, gauging my reaction. She held both of my hands in hers. "Does he hit you?"

"No, not me. Just... Ellie and Bella," I muttered, feeling my eyes prick. I tried to control my emotions. I couldn't just cry in front of Alice. "Sometimes, it's worse, though. He says things to them that a father never should."

''Since when has this been happening?" she asked, her grip on my hands tightening.

"Two years after our mom left us. I don't know why he does it, Alice. For the past three years, I've always had to watch my sisters suffer 'cause I knew that if I tried to stop Charlie, he'd only hurt them more. I slipped once and he went ballistic. Bella missed school for a week," my voice broke on the last word but I knew I had to get a grip on myself. If I needed Alice to understand, then I needed to be strong. "I can't protect them, no matter how much I try."

Alice now had a pained expression on her face, and just like with my siblings, I hated seeing it. She doesn't deserve it. "How are they?"

"I honestly don't know. Ellie's not but I try to make her okay. She usually gets all the blows from Charlie but I can help her with that, physically. Emotionally, I don't know. When she's really upset, she can't do anything but cry. She's young and she still doesn't know how to express her feelings. She just... c_ries _and it breaks my heart," I said, muttering the last part. "I'm not even sure if she understands what Charlie says about her. She just knows they're bad but I don't know if she really knows what they mean."

"Have you tried talking to her about them?"

"I try," I answered. "But I can't seem to find the guts to completely explain them. They're too much for an eight year old girl."

"What about Bella?"

I closed my eyes, knowing this part was the hardest to explain. This part is what hurts me the most. Alice rubbed circles around the back of my hand and this is what made me open my eyes. She'd listen, and I can tell her anything. I took a deep breath and tried to keep my voice straight and my emotions at bay. "Bella's selfless. Sometimes it's too much for her own good. She blames herself for everything that has happened to us. I can't tell her otherwise because I know she doesn't like it when I do that. Every time Charlie abuses her, she deprecates herself after. No matter how many times I tell her it's not her fault, she still believes that it is. I know she's really hurting inside and I can't do anything about it. When she cries, I hold her and tell her it's going to be okay but I know deep down that she doesn't believe me. Even at school, when the other kids bully her, she always asks me what she had done wrong."

I paused, trying to control the tears that were threatening to fall. This was the first time I have ever shared my thoughts about Bella. "It's not right, Alice. She cries a lot too, and most of the time, she doesn't want me to see. But that doesn't stop me from _hearing. _When our mom left, she changed. A lot. She isn't the same little sister I had before." This time, I couldn't stop it anymore. The wetness in my eyes protested against my attempts to control them so I just let it get its way. I pulled my knees up and let my head rest on them. I let the tears fall freely. I felt Alice wrap her arms around me as I continued to cry.

This was the first time, in a long time, that I have ever showed any strong emotion. I never cried in front of my siblings because I needed to be strong for them. But, somehow, being with Alice, let me feel that it was okay to vent out sometimes. It was alright to cry. I've said this a million times to my sisters but never believed it myself. I had to let it all out now because I knew that I wouldn't be able to do this again later.

Alice rubbed my back as I started to calm down. She didn't say anything and I was grateful for that. When my tears subsided, I cleaned my face with my sleeve and faced Alice. "I'm sorry you had to see that."

"It's alright, Jasper. You have to let it out," she assured me, with a small smile on her face. I smiled back. To my surprise, it wasn't forced.

"Jacob. How is he?" Alice asked. I sighed, and ran a hand through my hair.

"He's okay, I guess. I mean, he doesn't show his emotions out in the open. He was really affected when mom left but he has recovered. He's got his grades back up. The only problem with him is the way he channels he anger. You've seen how he gets one time," I said. "His fighting tendencies are his only outlet since he doesn't like us seeing him upset."

Alice nodded in agreement. She faced me and looked me straight in the eye. "What about you, Jasper? How are _you_?"

I shrugged. I honestly didn't know how I was. All I cared about was that my siblings were safe, that's all.

"I'm okay as long as my siblings are."

"You know, _Jazz,_ I know you probably won't agree with me but... I think you're just as selfless as Bella is."

~*~*~*~*~

My conversation with Alice seemed to bring me back to my senses. It was like a huge weight was lifted off my shoulders without me knowing that it was there. After I gave her a hug, thanking her for listening to me, I exited the secret room with a slight elation. Someone else knew, someone else could sympathize. Now, all I had to do was to convince my siblings that what I did was for all of our benefits. I waited in the parking lot, leaning against my car. The two of them walked out of the building and worry instantly overcame me again. I looked at both of their faces for any sign of distress and I breathed a sigh of relief seeing that there wasn't any. Bella actually had a small smile on her face. Probably Jacob telling her a joke or something. Ugh, the reason doesn't matter as long as she's smiling, happy, and not crying. I needed them to be in the good mood before I tell them what I just did.

The two of them approached me, still smiling. I tried smiling back. I got into the driver's seat before they noticed how forced it was. The two of them followed suit, but I didn't start the engine.

"I need to talk with you guys," I told them, placing my hands on the steering wheel. "I talked to Alice Cullen today. And... I told her."

"What?" Bella asked, incredulously. "Why would you do that?"

"I had to, Bella. She won't tell anyone else, I promise."

"Just don't tell us that you only did it for your own benefit," Jacob snapped, his happy mood instantly disappearing. I pondered on his words. No, I didn't just do it for my happiness. Because, if I did, then why did my elation suddenly disappear the moment Bella reacted to my words. I did it for all of us. I did it so that if we ever needed help again, I could easily call Alice.

"I did it for all of us. Alice can help," I reassured them.

"How? By calling the police?" Bella challenged. I shook my head.

"Alice will never do that. She knows that Charlie _is _police," I said. "She can help, if anyone of us needs someone to talk to."

Bella considered what I said and I knew that she was starting to agree with me. Sure enough, she nodded. "Alright. I trust your decision."

"Thanks," I said, turning to look at Jacob. He looked back at me and sighed in defeat. "Fine, it's okay."

I started the engine and pulled out of the school parking lot. I pondered on Jacob's words again. Did I really just do it for my own benefit? Was it because _I_ desperately needed to talk to someone? _I, _not they. Maybe he's right, and I really just did it for my own sake. But, what were my justifications?

I couldn't think of any.

I shoved those thoughts out of my mind the moment we arrived at the elementary school. My worry for Ellie returned and I've never wanted to see her this bad before. I got out of the car quickly and scanned my eyes around looking for her. I found her immediately, sitting on one of the benches scribbling something in her drawing notebook. I walked over to her and she turned around, like she could sense my presence. She dropped what she was doing and ran to me. I lifted her and held her close.

"Are you okay?" I asked, as she pulled slightly away to look at me. There were tear streaks on her cheeks so I knew she had cried, but right now, she was beaming widely.

"Yeah. You're here now," she said, giving me a hug. I kissed her forehead and put her down. She gathered her stuff and took my hand as we walked back to the car. I was so thankful she was in a better mood. Telling us the truth probably made her day better, knowing that her time spent in school was only for a short while and that we'd come pick her up after. She was laughing and making jokes with Jacob on the way back and Bella and me couldn't help but join in. I haven't told Ellie about Alice yet, but I knew that she'd understand my intentions. But, it would have to wait for later. As we rounded the corner unto our street, our laughter died down. The cruiser was there, parked in the driveway. Charlie was back from night shift. I parked our car behind our father's and turned off the engine. No one made a move to get out and I could feel the tension in the car.

"Let's go, guys," I said, breaking the silence. I got out of the car so that they'd follow. Little did they know that my knees were trembling furiously. Usually, when Charlie got home before us, it wasn't really good. The three of them got out and my sisters were instantly at my side --- Bella clutching my arm and Ellie clutching my shirt. Jacob went behind me and I started up the front steps.

What I saw as I opened the front door made me want to gag in disgust.


	4. Fatherless Childhood

Disclaimer: I do not own any characters and Twilight for that matter. The plot and Ellie however, are mine.

* * *

**BROKEN ROAD**

Fatherless Childhood

_"The son whines to his father, "You messed up my childhood!". The father says, "How could I, son? I wasn't even there."_

_~*~*~*~*~_

_**Jasper Swan**_

Charlie Swan, Chief of Police, my supposed "father" was on the couch with a woman.

_What the hell was he doing? _

I pulled Ellie behind me so that she wouldn't see what was happening as I gaped at Charlie in horror and disgust. I didn't know who the lady was. Actually, I didn't care. But, the way the two of them were wrapped up in each other just grossed me out. It was a good thing they still had their clothes on or I would've totally flipped out. At least they still had a sense of modesty. They were so into what they were doing that they didn't notice us come in.

After a while, as the image sunk in, my disgust turned into something else entirely. _Fury_. How the hell could Charlie do such a thing? He sent Renee away just because she was with a lot of men besides him and now look at what he's doing. Although, I acknowledged that Charlie really wasn't my father, that didn't stop me from believing that he really did have authority over us as his children. He adopted us so that made us legally his. Biologically, I knew that we were far from related. So, why am I affected by this? It's not like he's still with my mother. Well, technically, they're still married since they never got a formal divorce. But still, Renee has been gone for five years now. What's wrong with Charlie being with another woman?

My mind came up with a reason but I banished it completely the moment it popped up. It's not possible. But even if I pushed the thought aside, it was still there, looming in the sidelines until I realized that my hands were already shaking in anger. The four of us were speechless, standing there in the threshold, while Charlie and the woman still remained oblivious to our presence. I tried to detach myself from the situation in front of me and checked on my siblings. I wasn't the only one who'd be affected by this. I glanced back at Jacob who was utterly transfixed on the image in front of us. He was gaping in horror and disgust, his facial expression mirroring mine. Weirdly enough, he didn't seem to be as angry as I was. This was not like him, to be calm and all. This was not the typical Jacob behavior. His hands were balled into fists though and I, for the first time, was glad to see that. Now, I accepted that he was furious for a rational reason.

But, I wasn't really worried about Jacob. I knew he'd be able to take it. My sisters, though, were bigger concerns. I know that they'd be traumatized by what they are witnessing right now. Ellie, despite my attempt at hiding her behind my back, managed to peek and by the look on her face, I knew she regretted doing it. She was now cowering behind me and I could feel her shaking. To say that she was frightened was an understatement. I turned around and she hugged me tightly. I knelt down in front of her and held her face in my hands.

"Ellie, whatever you do, don't look. Okay?"

She nodded and I looked up at Bella who had tears streaming down her cheeks. As much as I wanted to collect her in my arms, I knew she had to pull it together.

"Bella, take them upstairs and stay there," I instructed, the impending confrontation filling up my mind. If I would fight Charlie, I wouldn't want them to be there to witness it. I looked at Bella desperately, silently trying to tell her to agree with me on this. I breathed a sigh of relief as she took Ellie's hand and ran up the stairs, Jacob following behind them. He paused at the bottom of the stairs and glanced back at me. I looked back and turned my attention back to our father. I saw him shake his head in my peripheral vision, and somehow, my strong resolve started to melt away. Charlie and the woman were still at it, now lying down on the couch. Any moment later might be too late. I marched forward, my hands in fists at my sides, trembling from both fear and anger.

"HEY!" I yelled, letting some of my bottled anger out. With that outburst, every tinge of fear dissipated from my body and only rage and fury were left. Immediately, Charlie pulled away from the woman. He turned towards me, as the woman stared at him in confusion. In a matter of seconds, his expression changed from startled to furious. Averting his stare from me, he whispered in the woman's ear and her head turned towards my direction and finally acknowledged my presence. Charlie said something else, and I was starting to become impatient. He pushed her off his lap and she scampered away in her too short skirt and too tight-fitting tank top. She disappeared into the kitchen and I faintly heard the back door close. Charlie huffed and for a moment, I thought he was just going to ignore me and follow the woman out. So much for wishful thinking, though. He dropped his palms to his thighs and stood up. I felt myself move a step backwards, but somehow, I forced myself to stay rooted on the spot. I didn't want Charlie to think that I was afraid of him, even though, deep inside, that was exactly the case. He ran his hands through his hair and spoke in a calm voice that caught me off guard.

"You boy, do you purposely disgrace me in front of other people or is it just one of the many traits you've inherited from your stupid mother?"

I growled at what he said. How dare he call my mother stupid? I didn't answer him but I knew my facial expression was enough to show him that I was more than just pissed off at what he said. Right now, I didn't care if he wanted to slap me in the face or kick my ribs until I couldn't move an inch. If that was what I was going to face by defending an innocent person, then I'd welcome any punishment with open arms.

Since he answered me calmly, I did the same to him, but still making sure that I let the venom show in my voice. I wasn't afraid that he would hit me because he never did. I didn't know why, but after all these years of remaining unscathed, I doubt he'd start hitting me now.

"Don't ask me that question, Charlie. How dare you call Renee stupid? She was your wife for Christ's sake!" I snarled, my fists tightening. "And now, you have the nerve to go have sex with other women. How could you, Charlie?"

I didn't understand why there was suddenly sadness that came with what I said. Why did it look like I was suddenly on Renee's side? Would Charlie think that I was mad at him because I was defending mom?

He answered me in a more forceful voice than before. "In case you didn't know, your mother has done what you've just witnessed numerous times that I can't even count them with just my ten fingers. Don't treat me like I'm the villain, because, I'm sure as hell that I wouldn't have been stuck with you if your mother had enough decency to keep her panties to herself."

That set me off.

"Oh, so you're telling me you're the good guy, now, huh?!" I glared at him. I was fuming and I could practically feel the steam coming out of my ears.

"Of course, I'm the fucking good guy!," he yelled, "I've kept you in this house, haven't I? I've given you food, a roof over your heads, and here you are, blaming me for all the shit that has happened in your fucked up lives."

"Our lives are fucked up because of YOU!", I shouted, advancing towards him, although I had no idea if I had enough guts to hit him. He reached forward as I approached and grabbed the front of my shirt.

"Take that back!" he snarled, leaning his head near mine as I tried to back away. I regretted moving closer to him, as I tried to lean my head back. I just stared at him in the most vicious way I could while I tried to maintain my balance.

"Take that back or your sisters get the punishment."

With that one statement, my entire resolve crumbled. I relaxed my stance and stopped glaring at him. He knew Bella and Ellie were my weaknesses and he knew that he'd be able to force me to do anything if it meant that I would be saving them from his wrath. If I continued what I was doing now, it would be like I was giving my sisters a death sentence. But, there was no way I was taking back what I just said. No, I won't take them back because they were true. I still had some things to get of my chest, though. I decided to tame some of the words a little bit, in hopes that he would consider a punishment that was less brutal. One whose aftermath I could easily mend.

"Just let me tell you something, Charlie," I said, tentatively. He didn't say anything so I continued. "You may not be my father but you're Ellie's dad. And, I hate it that she has had to live with a father like you."

He suddenly let go of me and the expression on his face changed. He was still glaring at me but there was hint of sadness, and maybe regret, in the way his eyes stared into mine. Something about what I said changed his reactions.

"I haven't forgotten that I'm Carter Whitlock's son. And, I know I've never known him and I probably never will. But, sometimes, I'm still hoping that if I do meet him someday, that he'll be a much better father than you have been to us."

Charlie didn't answer. He stared at me for a minute then turned away from me, grabbing his wallet from the coffee table, and walked out of the front door.

As he slammed the door shut, I sighed, releasing a lot of air I didn't realize I was holding in. That was the first confrontation me and Charlie had had since I was thirteen. I was more triumphant this time around since, last time, Charlie deprived us of our monthly allowance for three months. I knew that this moment of victory would only last for a while, though. Charlie wasn't on duty tonight and I was pretty sure that he would come back home later with vengeance in his mind. I hurriedly entered the kitchen to make dinner, ensuring our stomachs will be full, enough for us to ward off Charlie later. I placed the peanut butter sandwiches on a plate and ran up the stairs, taking two steps at a time. I nearly rammed into Bella, who was pacing by our bedroom door, as I rushed inside the room. Almost immediately, Bella was asking me if I was alright, her arms wrapped around me.

"Yeah, I'm fine, Bella. He didn't do anything," I assured her, as I hugged her back. She let go of me and I placed the plate on my desk. Jacob immediately grabbed the biggest looking sandwich and started munching on it hungrily. I got one for me and handed one to Ellie, who was busy drawing something again as she lay on her stomach in the middle of the floor. She took it but didn't look at me, since she was too immersed in her work. I let her have these moments alone as she draws. She's shown quite a great amount of talent in it ever since she learned how to write. She has a notebook where she keeps all of her artwork that I gave her two Christmases ago. Drawing helps keep her mind off of things, I suppose.

"I didn't even hear you shouting," Bella said, as she walked over to grab the last sandwich from the plate. "Since when did you become so civilized with him?"

I chuckled at her statement. "I wasn't the one who was civilized. He was." I looked at her and she was staring at me incredulously as if I just told her I was getting married. "I know, it surprised me as well."

"Well, that's a first," Jacob exclaimed, taking the last bite of his sandwich. He wiped his hands on his pants and asked, "What did you say to him anyway?"

I paused mid-bite and shook my head, glancing at Ellie who still remained apparently oblivious to our conversation. I couldn't be sure she was completely out of it, so I had to be careful. We were always cautious with the stuff we talked about in front of Ellie.

Bella and Jacob understood and dropped the subject. After that, none of us spoke much for the rest of the night. We were probably avoiding bringing up the topic about the woman Charlie was with. For an hour though, it was an oversized pink elephant in the room. It was quite hard to keep the image of the two of them on the couch out of my head. While I did my homework, Charlie's face came looming back into view and after a while, I gave up and went into the bathroom to think and be alone. I could feel their eyes on my retreating figure as I slammed the door of the bathroom. I looked at my reflection in the mirror and I wasn't surprised by the way I looked. Haggard, wasted, drunkenly tired at the most. My blue eyes were bloodshot, although I haven't been crying. It was the nerves. I haven't exactly recovered from the confrontation with Charlie. I could still smell his stinky breath as he held my head close to his. His words rang in my head.

_"In case you didn't know, your mother has done what you've just witnessed numerous times that I can't even count them . . . I'm sure as hell that I wouldn't have been stuck with you if your mother had enough decency to keep her panties to herself."_

All of it went back to Mom. The whole conversation was about my mother, although we never directly addressed her. Charlie blamed her for everything, just as much as I did. She was the reason behind everything that has happened.

I slumped back against the door and sat down, rubbing my face with my hands. I leaned my head on my knees, closing my eyes, as I finally let the image of Charlie and the woman overwhelm me.

He wasn't the police chief in that moment. He wasn't a law enforcer who gave justice to common rules, even those dictated by morality. He wasn't a father of a little girl who, despite everything he has done to her, still looks up to him. In that moment, he was a man, a very disgusting and horrific man, at that. But, who was I to judge? He had a Y chromosome, it was natural for him to be that way. To go fuck some random women just because he's a terminal bachelor who has a problem dealing with commitments. Besides, it wasn't like he still had a wife to come home and be loyal to. He was free to do whatever he pleased.

But the point is, he _is _the chief of police and he _is _a father. Being a terminal bachelor wasn't a valid excuse for him to go have fun with sex, knowing that he doesn't have to get married just to get it. At the end of the day, he would always be our parental authority, our only parental unit. Despite everything he has done to us, I've never denied the fact that he actually had legal custody of us, whether we liked it or not. He was the closest relative all of us had, even if we're not exactly tied by blood. Before all this chaos happened, I've grown up treating him as my real father. Before Ellie came, Charlie was actually a parent to the three of us, even though I knew he was only happy because Renee was finally expecting a child of his own. Nonetheless, it was the only time in my entire life that I felt secure that I had a father figure to look up to. Then, Ellie was born. Charlie finally showed true happiness. We became a complete family. Too bad Renee couldn't stand to be away from her vodkas and tequilas for too long. And that's where it all started. She left us, Charlie started hating us, I'm left to take care of three kids at twelve, and the father figure was no more.

Actually, it didn't completely fade away. It was passed on to me. For some reason, Charlie found it convenient to pass the responsibility of being a father to me. I was twelve, barely making it through Math, and yet he forced me to take care of my siblings the moment he stormed out on us after he told us Renee had left.

I could remember that day's events quite vividly. I had just left this same bathroom when Ellie went inside my room to ask me where Mom was.

---------

_I was placing my scattered school books in my bag when I felt something tug the hem of my shirt. I kept my Math book and zipped the bag before looking down at the little creature that was sucking its thumb in one hand and holding the hem of my shirt in the other. I sighed, and placed my bag on my bed. What did she want now?_

_"What is it, Ellie?" I asked, removing her hand from my shirt. Her wide green eyes looked up at me as she removed her finger from her mouth._

_"I don't know where Mommy is," she said softly, looking up at me expectantly. She put her thumb back in her mouth as I said, ""Go ask Jacob. Maybe Mom went out back or something."_

_"But Jazzzzzzy . . . " Ellie whined, tugging my shirt again. I sighed exasperatedly and grabbed her hand that was on my shirt. _

_"Fine, let's go look for her," I huffed, pulling her with me. I walked and she jogged, as fast as her little legs would carry her. I leaned over the banister to find Jacob tying his shoes by the front door. _

_"Jake, seen Mom?" I yelled. He looked up at me and shook his head._

_"Nope."_

_I looked down at Ellie and said, "I don't think she's here, Ellie. Maybe she went to the store or something." If Mom was here, she would have gotten mad at me for yelling from the banister at seven in the morning. Then I wouldn't be allowed to watch TV tonight and I'd have to be extra nice to Ellie and everything. I went back inside my bedroom, and I could hear Ellie's footsteps following me. She wasn't going to leave me alone._

_"Jazzy, I need to go potty," she said. I wanted to complain, right then and there. Where was mom? Where was dad? Were they playing a prank on me and forcing me to take the little toddler to the bathroom? I hate being the eldest._

_"Go find Dad," I told her, my tone clearly indicating that I had no intention of taking her to the bathroom. I'm only twelve, it's a parent's job to take their child to go pee. I'm not obligated to take care of her. I still need to be taken care of as well._

_I ignored the whiny remarks that followed as I played on the computer. School wasn't for another hour so I still had time to play. Before I knew it, the whines were getting a lot closer and Ellie was already standing beside me._

_"Jazzy, I really need to go," she complained, tugging on my arm. Before I could retort, Bella suddenly opened the bedroom door and peeked in. She glared at Ellie then looked at me._

_"What does she want? She's too noisy!" Bella complained, glaring at Ellie again. _

_"She needs to pee but Mom's not here and I don't want to take her," I answered. Ellie became silent at the mention of Mom and she started sucking her thumb again. At my words, Bella's eyes widened and her expression changed from angry to confused._

_"What do you mean Mom's not here?" Bella asked, her voice trembling slightly. I remembered what she told me last night before we went to bed and I instantly regretted telling her Mom wasn't at home and I had no idea where she was. I turned my game off and stood up, seeing that Bella was close to tears now. _

_"How is she going to take us to school?" Bella said, worriedly, the tears showing in her voice but she fought to keep them from flowing from her eyes. She had completely entered the room and for once, didn't care that Ellie was in the room as well. She was looking at me desperately, silently pleading that I find Mom and bring her back. Wait, maybe Dad knew where she was._

_"Do you want to ask Dad?" I told Bella, but before she could say something, the door opened again and Jacob peeked in. _

_"Dad's downstairs. He said he wants to talk to all of us," Jacob announced. I shared a questioning look with Bella as she tried to wipe off the evidence of her tears from her eyes. Why would Dad want to talk to us? Was it about Mom 'cause I'm sure I didn't do anything at school to make the principal call my parents. Maybe we were moving back to Phoenix and Mom was out early today to fix some papers and stuff._

_I took Ellie's hand knowing Bella wouldn't want to deal with her and took her downstairs. Dad was pacing back and forth in front of the TV in the den and Jacob was already sitting on the couch. Dad motioned for the three of us to sit beside Jacob and we looked up at him, waiting for him to start. He ran his hands through his hair before facing us._

_"Alright. I have no idea how I'm going to say this," He started, looking anywhere besides us. Ellie bounced her small legs beside me and I patted her thigh, motioning for her to stop. I could feel the tension emitting off of Dad._

_Finally, Dad relaxed and walked over and sat on the coffee table in front of us._

_"You remember the other day, when I told you kids to stay in your rooms for the rest of the night, when you got home from school?"_

_We nodded. _

_"Do you know why I did that?"_

_Before I could answer, Bella was already speaking, "You and Mom were fighting again and you were throwing stuff at each other and you didn't want us to come downstairs 'cause there was broken china everywhere." _

_Dad looked directly at her and I was afraid he was going to slap her. Finally, he took his eyes of her and suddenly became interested in the wall clock as he confirmed what Bella said._

_"Yes, we were fighting and I know you heard enough to know that it was bad." Yes, I had heard enough but it was suddenly such a regular occurrence recently that I ignored and forgot everything._

_"My point is, that fight wasn't the worst. But I already knew that in time, we would have to face the worst," Dad said, sounding like he was talking more to himself than us._

_"We had a fight last night, when you kids were already asleep. And, your mother said she'd had enough."_

_Bella gasped beside me but Dad ignored her. What was he saying?_

_"She meant what she said, and when I woke up this morning, our closet was half-empty and her things were gone."_

_Bella finished his thought in a trembling voice, "She's gone too. She went away."_

_Dad nodded. "I'm sorry." With those final words, he grabbed his gear and left the room. I heard the front door close and the gravel on the driveway. I was frozen in my spot and I couldn't think clearly. I felt numb. But then I felt Ellie tapping me on the shoulder, saying, "Bella", as she pointed at our sister. "Crying." I turned to my left and sure enough Bella had her knees drawn up already and sobbing into them. For some reason, I felt like crying too, but something inside me screamed for me to keep control. I moved closer to Bella and hugged her, burying my nose in her hair. I felt Ellie moving into my lap and heard her sush Bella. When I looked behind me, I saw that Jacob was trying to fight back tears and I pulled his shirt, making him join our little group hug. I tried to hug all three of them as comfortably as I can, feeling the tears pool in my eyes. All I could hear were their sniffles but I was already asking questions in my mind._

_Why did Mom leave us? If she saw the four of us at this moment, would she consider coming back? Why didn't Dad seem to care? Wasn't he supposed to be sitting next to us and telling us it was going to be okay and that Mom would somehow decide to come back for us? _

_But, what if she never came back? _

---------

After all these years, I finally found out the answer to that question. No, Renee was never coming back and I'm done waiting. We neglected going to school that day. The four of us fell asleep after half an hour of bawling but when we woke up, we weren't disoriented or anything. It was a little after lunch and although we knew we were supposed to be in school, it never entered our minds. Thankfully, Charlie was sensitive enough to inform the school of the situation, but that was probably the last time he did something for us. That night was the night we all moved into one room, the room we still shared now. As it always was in Forks, it was raining hard, and as I was getting ready for bed, Ellie padded into my room, asking me if she could sleep beside me. By midnight, Bella also asked me if she could and I could still remember the way the tear stains on her face shone in the moonlight. I didn't realize Jacob had also joined us until we woke up in the morning. From that day on, all of us changed and though we continued living life as normally as possible, we knew that we would never be able to go back to our old selves again. Bella matured in a way that was too much for her age, Jacob became moody and was no longer his old happy-go-lucky self, and Ellie was forced to grow up too quickly.

And I, well, I became a father at age twelve. Once I was pulled back into reality, two days after Mom's departure, I accepted the role as primary caregiver to my siblings. Although Charlie pretty much did the stuff that involved the need for money like groceries and bills, I was still the one left with the actual responsibilities of a parent. I took Ellie to the bathroom when she needed to go, I helped Jacob make his science fair project despite having to do my own as well, and I spent hours explaining to Bella every single history topic she had so that she could get an A+ in her tests. Once the abuse started, things changed and I was forced to give up the remaining years of my childhood completely. Although I held no resentment for that, I still had a crowd of _what ifs_ in my head but I knew that I would never be able to take things back. I've had to face the difficulties of taking care of three kids at such a young age, the fact that I may screw up in raising them always lingering at the back of my head. But I did all that I could for them in hopes that their own childhoods won't be destroyed like mine. I didn't realize it was actually that hard to refuse a four year old when she asks for a cookie before meal time. Who knew that an eleven year old would actually be that resilient when it came to bedtime? And how on earth was I supposed to know what to do when a thirteen year old Bella came to me crying saying that she her stomach was cramping and she was bleeding? I thanked whatever god out there that Forks schools had health class.

Seeing the three of them today, makes me think that it can be possible for parents to raise their kids right. There was a way but most of them were too preoccupied with their own stresses, neglecting the fact that the kids had their own stresses too. I'm not the perfect older brother, much less the perfect parent, but I'm trying my best.

A knock on the door snapped me out of my reverie and I heard Ellie say faintly, "Jazzy, are you done? I need to go potty."

I couldn't stop the chuckle that escaped me at the thought that my sister never outgrew the use of the term "potty".

I stood from the floor, ran a hand through my hair, and opened the door to let Ellie in. Bella had already dressed our baby sister in her pajamas and I glanced at the clock, realizing that it was already half-past ten. I was in the bathroom for two and a half hours. I quickly changed my clothes and started tidying the room again. I picked up some stray papers and socks from the floor. I remembered Ellie's lost lucky bracelet that I haven't looked for yet. Ellie had apparently forgotten about it, seeing as her mind was programmed to shut out anything that could cause her distress or pain immediately. I told Jacob off for not toning the volume of the computer down resulting in a pillow being thrown at me. I threw it back at him as he shut the computer off. He glared at me and set the pillow down on the bed and laid down, shielding out the light with the blanket. Bella laughed lightly at us as she settled in next to Jacob then started coughing. I knew that sound very well and it was one that I've grown accustomed to. My head snapped back to look at her to ask if she was okay but she waved me off, telling me she was fine. I didn't believe her but didn't ask more, despite hearing her wheezing as she sighed. Discreetly, I took her inhaler from the top of the chest of drawers and placed it on the bedside table, just in case. I waited for Ellie to get out of the bathroom and tucked her in beside Bella.

I turned off the light and got in beside Ellie and leaned on the headboard, not really in the condition to sleep yet. I took out my history book from my bag and turned on the lamp as low as possible so that I could see what I was reading without disturbing my siblings. I flipped the pages until I reached the introduction of the Civil War, the topic I was very fond of. Before long, I had drifted off without really realizing it and was jolted awake by a blood-curdling scream in my ear. My natural instinct was to grab my old baseball bat from under the bed but something told me this was just a domestic problem and not a house intruder. I stopped myself midway from bending and reaching down the bed, and turned around.

Bella was sobbing and whimpering into her pillow, her hands fisted in her hair. A nightmare. Again.

Jacob was woken up as well and he was trying to wake up Bella. I checked Ellie first, seeing that she was undisturbed --- probably too tired and deep in sleep, knowing I had to move her out of the way. I put my hands under her underarms and lifted her, careful not to jostle her, as Bella's cries worsened. Jacob knew what to do and took Ellie from me and sat her on his lap in the rocking chair. I scooted nearer to Bella on the bed and rubbed her back gently, trying to lessen the sobs and wake her up. Eventually, she opened her eyes but apparently seeing me made her cry harder. She sat up and wrapped her arms around me as I pulled her unto my lap like I did when we were kids. She buried her face in my shoulder as she cried her eyes out, the sound ripping my heart into pieces. These night terrors were normal occurrences, usually happening at least once a week, but she had never cried this hard before, much less scream like she did. It wasn't that hard to notice her wheezing, which had grown worse now that she was sobbing. Thankfully, her breathing wasn't that labored but I knew that if she didn't calm down soon, she'd have an attack --- something she won't like. I rocked her back and forth, not wanting her to have an attack too, and told her it was going to be okay.

My words were completely negated the moment we all heard heavy footsteps in the hallway. My mind immediately thought the worst.

Charlie had heard her scream.

I immediately signaled Jacob, telling him to take Ellie to the bathroom and hide there. He was only after Bella, not really caring whether any of the three of us were in the room with her. Charlie knew about Bella's nightmares, seeing as they usually woke him up, and he tortures her because of them. I really can't understand the hatred Charlie has for her; it was worse than the way he treats Ellie. I couldn't exactly pinpoint the reason why but I had my suspicions.

The footsteps were nearing and Bella gripped me harder, knowing what was coming for her. I held her, telling her it was going to be okay (despite me believing in the opposite), and that I would be there for her afterwards. Like I said, I can only be of help in the aftermath, not the prevention. I said sorry as well, sorry for not being able to do anything about it. Her breathing sped up, and I knew an attack was inevitable, but we had to face Charlie first.

Before long, the bedroom door swung open and hit the wall hard, causing Bella to yelp in my arms. The look on Charlie's face was horrifying and I instinctively pressed Bella's head to my chest, attempting to shield her to no avail. There was no escaping Charlie, especially when he was fuming. The guilt ate at me, remembering the confrontation we had this afternoon. He was going to make Bella pay for what I did.

"Who the fuck screamed and woke me up?!" Charlie yelled. Bella trembled in my arms and her breathing sped up. I rubbed her back, trying to soothe her some, but Charlie was already advancing on us. Once he was beside the bed, he shouted again.

"What?! You two aren't going to answer me?!"

I knew better not to reply.

Without any warning, he pulled Bella's arm and yanked her away from me and unto the floor. She whimpered in fright and I put my head in my hands, not having the courage to watch what she was about to go through. She sobbed wordlessly as I heard Charlie slap her on the face. I wanted to cry with her, but as usual, I had to maintain my composure. For my sister.

"You selfish bitch! You have absolutely no care for other people, don't you? It always has to be about you!" he berated her, and I wanted nothing more than to have her in my arms again, shielding her from his evil. He continued, "You're not even worth it, you know that?! You're just a worthless piece of shit and you better be thankful that you have a brother who's an idiot, seeing as he takes care of you everyday!"

My hands fell at his last words. Those words meant nothing to me; he can call me an idiot all he wants and I won't give a shit. But to Bella... his words were like punches to the gut, causing more pain to her heart, more than she could bear. She blamed herself enough for everything and his words would just crush her. I looked at her and the devastation on her face made me stand and push Charlie away from her, even though I knew the consequences of doing that. Surprisingly, he didn't fight back. I glared up at him as I collected Bella in my arms, her entire body shaking.

"How dare you, Charlie?" I yelled. "If this is revenge for what I did this afternoon, then fine. Get all the revenge you want! I can take all of it!" I knew I could yell at him as much as I wanted to. He never hit me. "Just leave my siblings out of the shit you're dealing with!"

My words worked, but I knew Charlie would not leave with his pride crushed. A flicker of defeat crossed his eyes but was immediately replaced with a glare. He stalked forward again, and grabbed Bella's chin, making her look at him. He slapped her once on the cheek and said menacingly, "That's for ruining everything."

He left the room, slamming the door behind him. I looked down worriedly at my sister, who was still clinging to me for dear life, as she sobbed into my neck. I wasn't worried about the bruises that were most likely forming on her face right now, nor how loud her cries were. Her breathing. It was labored and erratic, much worse than earlier this night. Her asthma.

I stood from the floor, cradling her in my arms, and sat on the edge of the bed. I reached for her inhaler but she noticed what I was doing and pushed my arm back. I stared down at her in disbelief and she shook her head.

"I ... do-don't want to.... n-n-no, " she stuttered in a raspy voice. She couldn't talk properly and she gripped the front of my shirt tightly as she attempted to even out her breathing. Having just gone through Charlie's wrath and painful words didn't exactly help her calm down.

"Bella, you need to," I said gently. She shook her head harder and started coughing. Tears streamed from her cheeks, as she gasped for air. I knew that once she started coughing, she won't be able to stop, and that would only make things worse. I tried my best to get the sobs to subside but it was impossible.

I didn't know what to do, seeing as I can't argue with Bella when she said no, especially not at a time like this. I knew she didn't want to take the medicine because she was afraid it would run out and I won't be able to buy a new one. I had to admit, it did take a lot of work to get Charlie to give me money to buy her her medicine. I ran several other remedies I knew through my mind, finally stopping at one my mother had used the day we got home from school and Bella couldn't breathe properly but she left her inhaler in her cubby at school. Renee had turned on the shower as hot as it would go and made Bella inhale the steam. As far as I could remember, my mother's solution had worked, since it wasn't really a full-blown attack. I thought of her attack at present and yeah, she had definitely had worse.

I stood up, Bella still in my arms, and rushed to the bathroom, suddenly remembering that Jacob and Ellie were still in there. The door opened before my hand reached the knob, and I was greeted with the sight of Ellie crying in Jacob's arms. She had heard the confrontation, I was sure, and she was scared. Jacob saw Bella and immediately understood what was happening 'cause he hurriedly took Ellie out. Once inside, I sat Bella on the counter and turned on the shower. As hot as it would go. Bella knew what to do and started breathing in the steam. I rubbed soothing circles on her back praying to whatever god out there that this would work. Within a few minutes, the tension in her body slowly dissipated and her breathing became even again. Her sobs had stopped too but a few tears were still flowing down her cheeks. I took a face towel from the cupboard and handed it to her before turning off the shower. I put the lid down on the toilet bowl and sat there, knowing the two of us had to talk. I didn't bother asking her if she was feeling any better, knowing she wouldn't want to dwell on it.

Before I could open my mouth, my sister beat me to it. She wiped her face with the towel and set it down, sighing. "I know what you're going to say, Jasper. And yes, I'm trying hard not to believe it, but you know . . ." Her voice broke in the end. "I just can't."

I knew there was nothing I could do to convince her to completely forget Charlie's words. Besides, they were all said and done; it's not like Charlie would ever take them back. If there was anything I did learn from what has happened to us, it was to avoid dwelling too much on what has already passed, because they don't hold the answers to your problems. If anyone wants to keep you in the dark, you better stay in the dark.

The two of us stayed quiet for a few minutes, me thinking up of other things we could talk about that would take Bella's mind off of what just happened. Jacob had somehow calmed Ellie down in the bedroom, as it was already quiet and they had probably gone back to sleep. Despite the hour --- half past two in the morning, I still wasn't in any condition to sleep, probably won't doze off anyway, and end up getting another migraine in the morning.

"I'm sorry, Jazz," Bella suddenly murmured, so softly that I barely heard it. "For everything." I looked up at her and she was fiddling with her hands on her lap, not looking at me.

"Don't start that bullshit, Bella," I retorted, not minding my language. She was the only person I could talk to without having to watch my words.

"But it's true. I did ruin everything," she answered, with a little bit more force now. She was still staring at her lap and I was already glaring at her.

"Shit, Bells, stop that," I said, rubbing my face in frustration. I didn't know why she constantly uttered those words every time something like this happened. I never got a straight answer from her, never getting the real reason. She blames herself for everything and it was ridiculous. Quite frankly, it irritated me to no end. It was one of the changes that happened to her that I despised the most.

She looked up from her lap, and gazed at me, finally.

"Do you miss her, Jazz?" she asked. I didn't need to ask who she was talking about but I thought about my answer nevertheless.

Remembering what our mother did to use didn't exactly fuel positive feelings within me. It was impossible to miss her presence, knowing what she did to us.

_No, I do not miss our mother._

I knew my answer would upset my sister but I said it anway. "No, I don't. You know me, Bella. I'll never miss her, even in my dreams."

She sighed and began fiddling with her hands again. I felt guilty for answering her too harshly, a guilt which escalated when I saw that tears were streaming from her eyes again.

"I just wish she were here, you know?" she said sadly. I scowled at her words but made sure she didn't see it. "I mean, I know Jake misses her more than he lets us see, and Ellie just wants to have a mom who'd take her to school just like she sees with the other kids. Not that she doesn't like you taking her, but she's asked me a lot of times how come the other kids get to be taken to school by their mommies and not their brothers."

I didn't get mad at her words, knowing they were true. And, although she didn't mention herself, I knew Bella missed Mom the most, despite her ability to mask her emotions. The two of them shared a bond that was indescribable. It was more like they were sisters rather than mother and daughter, and that was what made Bella happy when we were kids, mostly. Now, though she tried her best not to show it, I could see the sadness in her eyes every time she sees someone out with his or her mother.

"You really miss her, don't you?" I asked sympathetically, looking up at her once again. She nodded and sniffled.

"So much," she whimpered. She wiped her tears with her hands furiously and I desperately tried to find the words to reassure her.

"I mean, for me," Bella continued. "This is going to sound really selfish, but, I just wish she was here so that I wouldn't have to be the mom. It's just so hard, and I know I'm doing it badly but I just feel like it's my responsibility to take care of Jacob, Ellie, and . . . you. I just wish she'd come back for us, take care of us, 'cause I'm tired of being the mom. I just can't do it anymore. I'm a failure . . . I --- "

I cut her off before she could say anything more and hugged her tightly. She sobbed into my chest, releasing the pain and the anguish I knew she'd been holding back for a very long time.

"Bella, listen to me. You are not a failure, okay? You're quite the opposite of that," I soothed, whispering in her hair. "You don't have to feel bad about anything. The three of us love you, Bella, and I know you really want Mom to come back. And, that's okay. I know how you feel about that. But, you don't have to become the mom, Bella. You care for others, and that's enough. Don't ever think that you're obligated to become a parent, just because you feel like it's your responsibility. You're a great sister, the best sister anyone can ever have. That's all you have to be, Bella. Don't ever burden yourself with some things even you know are out of your control. And, what you said wasn't selfish. It's alright to express those things."

She didn't say anything else and I didn't force her to. After a while, her cries quieted but she didn't move away from me. In fact, she wrapped her arms tighter around me, and I did the same to her.

"I meant what I said, Bells. Really."


	5. Possibilities Breed Complacency: Part 1

Many thanks to my wonderful beta, Abby aka Hicks07, who not only talks to me in the wee hours of the morning, but is always ready to answer even if I have too many questions.

Disclaimer: I do not own any of the characters and Twilight, for that matter. The plot and Ellie, however, are mine.

* * *

**BROKEN ROAD**

Possibilities Breed Complacency: Part I

_"An intense anticipation itself transforms possibility into reality; our desires being often but precursors of the things which we are capable of performing." ~ Samuel Smiles_

~*~*~*~*~

**_Jasper Swan_**

I was right. I didn't doze off. Well, at least not properly. By the time I did fall asleep, the sun was almost shining through the windows and it wasn't long before it started to disturb my eyes. It was quite odd for the sun to shine this much in Forks. I pulled the shades down, neglecting to do so last night, and glanced down the driveway in the process. The cruiser was gone; Charlie was on his fishing trip. I breathed a sigh of relief.

It was a Saturday and that meant it was chores and errands day. It was the day we did laundry, ironed clothes, tidied the house, went to the grocery if we needed to, and just basically tired ourselves out. We would probably look like slaves working for a master to anyone from the outside but that wasn't the case. We did those chores for us, not for Charlie, and he wasn't, in any way, our master. We needed to keep the house sanitary for our own sake, not for him.

I was supposed to go grocery shopping today so I checked the pantry first thing in the morning to make a list of things we needed. I wrote some stuff down though I wasn't sure whether beer for Charlie was still supposed to be on the list. If I refilled his supply, he'd have the tendency to become more violent. If I don't buy him, he'll flip, which meant a worse beating for us. Or rather, my sisters. I spent too much time pondering about this that I didn't expect Ellie to be behind me when I turned around and closed the pantry door. She looked at me with raised eyebrows, a skeptical expression on her face, and I stared back at her in confusion. It took me a second to realize what she was trying to say.

"Oh! Breakfast! I'm so sorry, honey," I exclaimed, hurrying to the cupboard to get her a bowl. I glanced at the clock briefly, and saw that it was already nine in the morning. How long was I standing in front of the pantry debating with myself about Charlie's beer? God, I'm becoming insane.

I poured the cereal into the bowl as Ellie sat down at the counter. She would've been able to get breakfast on her own, if only the cereal box wasn't kept in the topmost cupboard. I had to hide it from Jacob constantly, seeing as he was always hungry and eating. I put some milk into the bowl and gave it to my sister. I looked at the list one last time, and placed it in my pocket. I got my own bowl of cereal and sat beside Ellie. I ate a few spoonfuls of mine, while she waited a while for the Cheerios to become soggy and soft. I didn't understand why she did that but I guess it tasted better for her that way.

She wasn't talking and the silence brought back the memories from last night. My mood dampened, much like my cereal swimming around in the milk.

After I managed to calm Bella down, she agreed to go to bed, though it took her a long time to fall asleep. It was almost four o'clock when she finally gave in and closed her eyes. I rubbed her back until I was sure she was deep in sleep before settling down. I slept, no more than an hour, and woke up at half past six. All in all, I didn't get more than four hours of sleep. That probably explains my weird behavior this morning.

I looked down at Ellie, only just realizing that she was already dressed up in a salmon pink sleeveless dress with baby pink leggings underneath. Knowing she couldn't pull off a sleeveless outfit in this type of weather, she had thrown on her knit purple cardigan, her favorite. Her feet were clad in her purple Uggs, making her look like a pink and purple candy cane, all in all. And, she just had to add a pink headband to keep her hair in place. She was neat and clean, and she did it all on her own. My heart swelled at the thought of how much and how fast she grows every day. It seems like yesterday when she was still that little four year old, insisting that she do everything on her own, only to end up making a huge mess with whatever she attempted to do. One day, I'd blink a second too long and then she'll be off on her own, going to high school, and hopefully college. My baby sister was growing up and maturing, but it was overshadowed by what we had to go through every day --- and the fact that she was just too small for her age; she just looked like an oversized six year old.

Still though, she would always be that little kid to me. That little kid that had to endure too much hurt and pain. But despite that, beneath it all, she was still my sweet and caring baby sister. She was adorable without even trying, even if sometimes her curiosity and innocence got the better of her.

I ate the last bits of my cereal and set the bowl down on the table. Ellie was eating one Cheerio at a time, just like she always does, and whirling her spoon around in the milk while she chewed.

I leaned on the back of my counter stool and rubbed my hands around my belly, like I had just eaten a heavy meal (which I haven't). In all honesty, I was just waiting for Ellie to say something to me. After waiting for a few minutes, getting impatient in seeing her eat one Cheerio at a time, I broke the silence.

"So, are Jacob and Bella still asleep?" I asked, resting my arms on the counter and leaning on them, looking down at my sister.

She nodded and said, "Uh huh." Then she let out a little chuckle and looked up at me, her face cheerful. "Jakey was snoring again."

I smiled back at her, amused by this little piece of information. Jacob had always snored since he was a kid, in a rather loud way.

Suddenly, Ellie became vibrant and started waving her spoon around as she continued, "You know? I don't know how we can sleep 'cause he snores like a chainsaw. And then you start to snore too then me and Bella are like, "How can we sleep now?"

I laughed at what she said and grabbed her arm to stop her from waving the spoon. She was splashing milk with it. Then, I answered her teasingly, "I don't snore." I huffed, pretending I was mad, and crossed my arms over my chest. I know I snored; Bella won't let me forget it.

"Yes you do!" she squealed, setting her spoon down, feigning anger.

"I do not!"

"How would you know?" she challenged me, pouting. I raised my eyebrows at her and she burst into giggles. I laughed with her and again, I was happy to see her smiling and giggling.

I playfully poked her in her side and she squealed louder, her peals of laughter resounding in the room. I wished there was some way for me to glue that innocent and jolly expression on her face, knowing that this wouldn't last.

Sure enough, it didn't.

I wasn't facing the doorway to the kitchen so I didn't notice Bella come in. I knew she did though, the moment I saw Ellie's face fall. She looked back at her cereal, her cheery mood gone. She went back to ladling her spoon around in the milk.

Bella sat beside me and laid her head on her arms, without saying anything. I immediately knew there was something wrong.

I felt her forehead and like I had predicted, a fever was running. A product of her attack, the late hour she slept at, and not to mention the amount of emotional stress she was dealing with. I didn't know what it was about her immune system that made her so susceptible to illness.

"You're running a fever, Bella. Just stay in bed for a while," I said, rubbing her back soothingly.

She sniffled, and rubbed her eyes against her sweatshirt before lifting her head from her arms.

She looked at me with bloodshot eyes and shook her head, "I can't. Jacob's snoring is on maximum volume."

"Seeeee? I told you," Ellie chided.

Bella gave her a small smile which disappeared almost immediately.

"Is Dad gone?" she asked softly.

"Yeah, he is," I answered her. I visibly saw her relax her tense stance as she nodded and stood from her chair.

"I'm just going to go, lay down on the couch," she said, walking back out of the kitchen.

I was alone once again with Ellie but now, the silence was awkward. I know lots of things were running in her mind, mostly questions about what happened to Bella last night. As young as Ellie was, she had that maternal side to her, always wondering if all of us were okay and that we were comfortable or happy enough.

"Why did Daddy get mad at Bella last night?" Ellie suddenly asked, breaking the silence, and I was caught off guard. I didn't expect her to start with _that_question. Her tone was sad and her quiet stirring of her milk slowed, almost stopping.

I sighed, not knowing how to best approach her question. She wasn't like Bella at all. Unlike Bella, Ellie preferred to talk about things. Just talk though, no real explanations needed. I sort of raised her that way, always giving her some time to voice out what she needed to say so that I could explain things to her. That one never worked with Bella. Nope, she's much too stubborn for that.

I grabbed my bowl and placed it in the sink before sitting down at the dining table. Ellie followed me and sat sideways on my lap, looking up at me and waiting for my answer.

I sighed once again, before saying, "You know how Dad says things that are bad?"

She nodded but didn't say anything, obviously asking for a better answer.

"Well, it was the same thing last night," I added. I was sugar-coating things, I was sure. I didn't exactly give a straight answer to her question.

She caught on fast enough. "But _why_?"

Honestly, I didn't know why Charlie did the things he did. I mean, was the fact that Ellie and Bella are girls enough justification for him to hit them? Say bad things to them? I don't think so.

I pulled her closer to me and looked her straight in the eye.

"I don't know, Ellie. I really don't. Charlie's not in his right mind. He just, doesn't care for us," I replied.

Her expression saddened, and she leaned her head on my chest.

"Why does he have to do that? Why does he have to hurt us?" she asked quietly. I cringed at the pain in her voice, surprised at how much anguish those simple words held. Those were words that didn't fit a little girl's mouth, much less with the large amount of hurt in it.

"He's not in his right mind. He isn't a good person. He used to be, but not anymore," I admitted. But then, I heard her sniffle.

I placed a finger underneath her chin and made her look up at me. Tears were welling up in her eyes, and my chest tightened at the sight.

"Why are you crying? What's wrong?" I asked worriedly.

"I'm sorry, Jazzy," she murmured. I opened my mouth to tell her she was being ridiculous and she had nothing to apologize for, but she signaled for me to stop. She continued, "I think Daddy became bad when I was born because I think Mommy and Daddy always had fights about me."

"No, Ellie. It's not about you. It's not your fault. They fought, yes, but not because of you. They never fought over you and the fact that you were born," I comforted her, my words ringing true. "Mom was just too preoccupied about money and they couldn't agree about that, but it was never about you. I promise."

It was true. Renee and Charlie's fights weeks before she left were mostly about money. At least from the few I've heard.

"But why does he have to hurt me and Bella? My classmates always talk about how their daddies read them a story at night and call them 'Princess'," she said, looking up at me, tears freely flowing down her cheeks. I wiped them away with my fingers but more followed. "Daddy never does that to me."

With those words, a sob burst out of her chest and she wrapped her arms around my waist. She buried her face in my chest as sobs wracked her body. I wrapped my arms around her and stroked her hair. Her distress ate at me. She was upset and I didn't know what to say 'cause it was the first time I heard those words from her.

I didn't know she felt that way about things. I was her big brother, and I didn't know? God, another failure. But hearing her say those things now, made me feel worse. I didn't know she blamed herself for Charlie's behavior. It was the last thing I expected to come from an eight year old's mouth. But what affected me most were here last words, of how her classmates experienced things she never has. It was the first time she voiced those thoughts out, the first time she complained.

I didn't know what to do about it. I've read her bedtime stories before, until she was six. Then a few days after her seventh birthday, she told me she was already a big girl and that she could read by herself. I complied, thinking she was already showing her first signs of independence. And I tried; I tried really hard to make sure she lived just like any other normal little girl. Turns out, I failed with that one to.

Ellie lifted her head from my chest and whimpered, "Everyone else's Daddies take them to school and then kiss them goodbye. Why hasn't Daddy done that to me? Did I do something wrong?"

I shushed her and rocked her back and forth. "No, you didn't do anything wrong, sweetheart. It's not your fault."

I sat there rocking her for a good ten minutes. Her sobs subsided but the tears still flowed.

"Jazzy?"

"Yeah?"

"Do you think, the other kids' Daddies hit them too?"

The question was innocent. Too innocent that it made me want to kill Charlie all the more. His actions have tainted my baby sister's idea of a father. And that's not how a true father acts.

"Their daddies are different, honey. They're not the same as our dad," I told her. She nodded, though I wasn't sure she completely understood what I said.

We were quiet for a moment before Ellie asked, "Is Bella okay?" Her perceptiveness was kicking in again. The tears had stopped now, and I was relieved.

"She's going to be okay," I said, more to myself than to Ellie. _Bella was going to be okay_. I had to believe that. Though I wasn't confident that she took in every single word I said last night, I knew, in some way, she would be all right in the long run.

We sat there for a long time, not really saying anything else. I was comforted by having Ellie in my arms, and somehow, it made me feel relaxed and content. There was still something I was keeping from her though: the fact that someone else knew about what Charlie does to us. I didn't know how she would react and this wasn't exactly the right time to say anything.

I chanced a look at the clock, saw that it was already ten, then prodded Ellie so that she would get off my lap. We had to go to the grocery and be back before twelve, just in case Charlie decided to come home in the middle of the day to eat lunch here. Ellie insisted that she come with me, and I was taking her today. I wasn't so comfortable leaving Bella and Jacob alone in the house, so we had to get back home as early as possible.

I kissed Ellie on the forehead and said, "Go to the den and see if Bella's still awake, okay?" I kissed the top of her head and she went to do as I said. I grabbed her bowl from the counter and the one placed in the sink and placed both of them in the dishwasher. Once I had it running, Ellie came back in the kitchen.

"She's still awake, Jazzy," she announced.

"Was she awake when you asked or did she wake up because you asked?" I wondered, pouring Bella a glass of milk.

"I don't know," Ellie answered, shrugging. "She had her eyes closed when I got there but when I started talking, she opened them."

I smiled at her and handed her the glass milk. "Well then, you go give this to her."

I wiped my hands on the dishtowel, and went down to the laundry room. The hamper filled with dirty clothes sat beside the door and I started separating the whites from the colors. I would do only that and let Jacob do the rest. He would have to do the wash alone today and I would punch him if he made Bella help him, given her current state. Although, I was sure Bella would always be happy to help, despite being sick. But no, I would not allow that today.

I finished the separation and ran upstairs to get dressed. I passed by a groggy Jacob on the way, with his hair disheveled and I knew he didn't have enough decency to wash his mouth before going downstairs.

"You start the wash, okay?" I reminded him. He gave me his "I-am-not-a-morning-person" look, and scowled at me.

"Bella's still sick, would it kill you to do a little more dirty work for our sister?"

An expression I couldn't describe flashed across his face, but it immediately changed to defeat. He nodded in compliance, but then added, "Do you mind grabbing me some Toblerone from the grocery?"

I snickered at him, and teased, "What do you think?"

He rolled his eyes at me and continued his way to the kitchen.

I jogged upstairs and dressed quickly, throwing on a sweater and worn-out jeans. I ran downstairs and into the den to call Ellie. She put her finger over her lips when I entered, telling me to keep quiet because Bella was already sleeping. Ellie was kneeling on the floor beside her, straightening the afghan Bella was using as a blanket. The glass of milk was empty and was on the coffee table. I stood by the doorway as Ellie got up and kissed Bella on the forehead.

Yep, my baby sister was growing up.

She tiptoed her way to me, and I grabbed my keys from the table beside the door and followed Ellie outside. The drive to the Thriftway wasn't too long, seeing as our house was just ten minutes away from it.

Ellie wanted to push the cart, so I let her, while I grabbed the things written on my list. The cart only came up to her collarbone so she had a little difficulty in steering it. I had to keep my hand on the other end of the cart so that she wouldn't accidentally bump the display.

We finished in a short while, but by the time we did, Ellie had given up and made me push the cart myself. I wheeled it to the check-out counter, making sure to grab Jacob's Toblerone on the way, and waited in line. It was a busy Saturday.

I was inspecting the back of a Swiss Miss box when I felt Ellie grab my hand and hold it tightly. My first thought was that Charlie was here but it changed when I looked down at my sister. She was looking at something intently with a sad look in her eyes. I followed her gaze and my eyes landed on a man who was playing Peek-A-Boo with a baby girl seated on the cart. The moment I saw this, I wrapped my arm around Ellie's shoulders and pulled her closer to my side. She wrapped her arms around my middle and stayed like that until it was our turn at the cashier. She let go of me and went to sit on the waiting bench by the entrance, obviously still upset. I sighed, knowing this was one of her "times" again. Sort of like temper tantrums, but with not too much screaming and thrashing around, just crying and silence. _And_ the occasionally screaming.

The lady finished packing the bags and I pushed the cart to where Ellie was.

"Come on," I said, holding my hand out. She got up but didn't take my hand, and walked beside the cart instead. I didn't press her, and just pushed the cart to the car. She didn't speak a single word to me, but again I didn't mind. Remembering what she said to me earlier, I understood where she was coming from. It was the same look Bella had when she saw a Mom with a kid. The only difference was that Bella never let me see, and Ellie told me at once by holding my hand, wanting me to comfort her and tell her it was okay and I was still there. I finished putting the bags in the trunk of the Rabbit as Ellie got in the front seat. I returned the cart to where it was supposed to go and got in the car.

Ellie was just fiddling with the hem of her cardigan the whole way home. I knew better than to start a conversation, knowing it would eventually lead to more tears and possibly screaming. At times like these, she usually forgot what caused her distress in the first place. But that didn't matter because every time she has these little silent tantrums, everything pissed her off. And anything out of place would send her off the edge.

Usually, I'd let her have her way. I'd tell Jacob to lay off for a few hours and give her some space. If she said no, there was no use forcing her to agree. Unless I wanted to endure thirty minutes of her complaining and yelling at me.

Ellie ran to the front door and went inside the moment I turned the ignition off. I took the groceries in myself and started putting them away in the kitchen. Bella was already awake and watching Steel Magnolias on TV in the den.

Just as I was arranging the eggs in the fridge, I distinctly heard Ellie scream upstairs. Surely, it was Jacob she was yelling at.

I ran up the stairs quickly and went into our bedroom.

"Go away! I don't want you here!" Ellie screamed. She was sitting on the bed, drawing book in her hands, and was kicking Jacob, who was lying beside her, on the legs.

Jacob grabbed the foot that was kicking him and had the nerve to tease, "What? It's my bed too." Ellie started crying in frustration and tried to shake off Jacob's hand.

I decided to intervene, knowing Jake won't give her the space she needed right now. I approached the bed and smacked Jacob lightly on the back of the head. I jerked my head toward the door, making him leave. He knew better than to get on our sister's nerves when she was in this state.

He went out and I turned my attention to Ellie, who had her head buried in her knees and crying. Half of me was forcing myself to just let it drop and let Ellie cry her heart out, like nothing went wrong. But, the other half told me she can't keep doing this. If she does, she'll take the habit with her until she grows up.

"You know, you shouldn't talk to Jacob like that," I scolded, trying hard not to raise my voice. "Much less kick him and hurt him when he hasn't done anything bad to you."

"'Cause he sat beside me when I told him I wanted to be alone!" she screeched at me, lifting her head from her knees. "He won't LISTEN to me!"

"Maybe you didn't ask him politely?" I questioned her. I was hoping in hell that this wasn't a glimpse of how she would behave when she becomes a teenager.

She ignored my question and instead yelled at me louder. "Why aren't you getting mad at _him_?! You never get mad Jacob! It's always me!"

I didn't tolerate her screaming at me, either.

"Ellie, if you do not talk to me calmly, I would have to yell like you do. Do you understand?"

In reality, I wouldn't really yell at her. No, that day in the laundry room taught me that much.

Her face crumpled in pain and she lay down on the pillow, turning away from me. She cried harder.

I sat on the edge of the bed, waiting for her to cry it all out. I was forcing myself not to coddle her. But, I didn't think it would be this hard. She wasn't simply crying because she was having a tantrum. It was much deeper than that. She's been having a bad day, and Jacob was just one of the tiny factors. Everything that happened, since last night, the talk we had this morning, and what she saw at the grocery were what caused this. The poor kid didn't know how to deal with too much pain in such a short amount of time. The only way she knew how was by throwing a tantrum like this.

With her still sobbing, I walked to the other side of the bed where she was facing. She was clutching the corner of the comforter in her hands, using it to wipe the tears that were continuously flowing down her cheeks. I crouched down next to the bed and pushed away the hair that had fallen over her face.

"You know that what you did was wrong, right?" I asked gently, willing her to stop crying. "No matter how upset you are, you shouldn't take it out on people who did nothing against you. And you remember what I said about yelling at Jacob, right? When you screamed at him just because he hid your book from you? He's your older brother. You have to treat him with respect. Same goes for me and Bella and other people, so that we'll treat you with respect too. Understand?"

She nodded weakly. I continued, "And don't get mad at me just because you're the one I reprimand, and not Jake. I just want what's best for you."

"What about what's best for Jakey?" Ellie asked, in a broken whisper.

I shrugged. "Jacob's a big boy. He can make decisions for himself and I'm not sure he listens to what I say when I tell him off, anyway."

She was quiet, absorbing what I said, and after a little while she whimpered, "I'm sorry, Jazzy."

"I know you are," I said, sitting on the edge of the bed beside her.

"I promise not to do it again, 'cause I don't want to hit you like Daddy does," she sniffled, wiping her eyes on the sleeves of the sweater she had put on after she discarded her cardigan.

I gave her a small smile, to comfort her some, and said, "That's what I meant."

I rubbed her back until the tears completely disappeared. After a few minutes, her eyelids started fluttering and I quickly stood up. I picked her up with one arm and she clung to me, as I pulled the covers down. I lay her down and removed her Uggs before tucking her in.

"Take a nap for a while. You need some rest," I murmured, kissing her forehead.

~*~*~*~*~

I spent the rest of the afternoon talking and watching TV with Bella and Jacob in the den. Apparently, while I was upstairs with Ellie, Jacob had dried the clothes already and they were ready for ironing. We both had to admit, though, ironing was something neither of us knew how to do. That was solely Bella's job. But for now, we decided to relax for a little while.

I made some popcorn and browsed the channels for a nice show to watch. We all agreed on Supernatural, and since the TNT had it on a marathon, we spent almost the whole afternoon watching it. We laughed and talked about random and pointless things, for once, forgetting about the reality of our situation. During one scene, Dean was completely paranoid from being infected by a "ghost sickness", and he completely freaked when a small kitten jumped out of a locker and shouted shrieked like a little girl, Jacob laughed loudly and abruptly that he tossed the remaining popcorn in the bowl to the floor. Actually, we were all laughing so hard, we didn't realize the mess he had done until the commercials.

It was so heart-warming to see my siblings laughing and being happy for once. As we were picking up the popcorn from the floor, a shrill laugh coming from the doorway surprised us and I turned around to see Ellie giggling at us. She obviously found it funny to see her older siblings crawling on the floor like little toddlers.

"What are you doing?" she asked, between fits of giggles.

I playfully growled and crawled over to where she was standing and tickled her.

"Oh, we're just picking up the popcorn that our dear brother, Jacob, spilled on the floor cause he cannot contain his laughter," I teased, as I tickled her sides.

Ellie squealed and before long, Bella was telling me to stop to let Ellie catch her breath. I sighed as I too was out of breath, and stood from the floor. I picked up the popcorn bowl, with the fallen popcorn placed in it, and took it to the kitchen. I let it sit there on the counter, too lazy to do anything about it yet, not when this time of enjoyment was about to end, since in any minute, Charlie would be home.

I went back to the den and the three of them had calmed down; Bella had changed the channel to some cooking show and that subdued Jacob a little bit, though he was still grinning. Ellie was once again, doodling away on her drawing notebook, on the coffee table.

I contemplated taking my siblings upstairs, where we would be safe but I knew Charlie would go to our bedroom first, if ever he had the urge to hit one of us. Besides, I didn't want us hiding all the time, as if we couldn't act normal in our own house.

I sat next to Jacob and watched with Bella. As the minutes passed by, and the hands of the clock loomed closer to five o' clock, the tension between us started to escalate. Charlie would be here soon and we would have to prepare for his wrath yet again. I didn't bother cooking dinner, since he specifically told us not to, seeing as he ate at the diner with his friends on Saturdays. The last time we cooked dinner for him on a Saturday, he accused us of food wastage and we were deprived from our meals for two days. We had to rely on cafeteria food and the occasional bread Jacob could nick from the pantry.

Sure enough, in a few moments, we heard the gravel on the driveway and knew that the cruiser, with Charlie in it, was back. I distinctly saw Ellie slow the stroke of her pencil, and her stance tensing. Bella turned off the TV at once; we weren't exactly allowed to use it.

If we ran to our bedroom now, it would be too late. Charlie would meet us at the foyer.

Jacob, not wanting to be here if Charlie found us, stood and exited toward the hallway to the laundry room: his personal hideout whenever he felt he needed to get away from things. Bella, surprisingly, also stood.

"Where are you going?" I asked, confused.

She turned back to me as she straightened her shirt. "Outside. I don't want to be hurt again, right now."

The mixture of pain and exasperation in her voice kept me from stopping her from doing what she wanted. I just nodded in defeat, and she sighed.

"I'm just . . . not ready to face him yet," she added. "Not after last night."

Again, I couldn't do anything but nod and she kissed the top of Ellie's head before pushing the sliding door, which led to the backyard, open.

I figured maybe Ellie wanted to escape as well. I asked, "Ellie, Charlie's home. Will you be okay if we stay here?"

"Jazzy, if he wants to hit us, nothing will stop him, wherever we are. I want to stay here, I'm drawing," she said, condescendingly, and I was taken aback by the amount of wisdom that was in her words. The truth was, the only reason I asked her if she wanted to go, was because I was afraid. Not for myself, but for her. But with those words, Ellie managed to make me do as she said again. Now, I was really dreading what she would turn out to be when she became a teenager. She was growing up to be just as stubborn as Bella, I could see it. But the fierceness and determination in her words told me that her being stubborn would be her strength, just like Bella. She'd do it because she wants to stand on her own feet, not wanting anyone else to do things for her.

I was snapped out of my reverie when I heard Charlie's footsteps getting nearer. In just a few moments, Ellie's words had been proven right. Truly, nothing would stop Charlie from abusing us, even if we attempt to hide.

I heard Charlie descend the few steps that led to the hallway to the den.

There was no escaping now.

"Ellie, act normal, alright? Maybe he'll ignore us," I instructed, doubtfully. I grabbed a TIME magazine from the side table and pretended to be immersed in an article about child abduction and disappearances. Very appropriate. Maybe Charlie didn't come down here for us. The den _did_ lead to the library, so maybe he needed to retrieve something from there.

I kept an eye on him as he approached. I tensed as he got closer and closer, then he finally spoke.

"Oh look at you, wasting your time again with useless things."

At first, I thought he was talking about me, but when I glanced up from the magazine, I saw him staring intently at my baby sister. Before I could do anything, he snatched Ellie's drawing book, and she flinched away in terror. I put the magazine down and reached out to Ellie, but not before Charlie spoke again.

"Just like your mother, wasting herself and her time with nonsense things," he snarled. He clicked his tongue and continued, "You're just like her, aren't you? Aren't you, you little bitch?"

Ellie started weeping quietly and pulled her knees to her chest. I sat there transfixed, not finding the urge to protect her like I usually did. I wasn't afraid of Charlie. I was afraid of what else he would say to her that would break her heart.

"This?" he said, a little louder. "This drawing isn't even good! You're not even good at it! Why don't you go fucking do something useful?"

He tore the page Ellie was working on from the book, crumpled it, and threw it at my sister's curled up form. He then walked over and slapped her on the cheek, the same cheek he slapped a few days ago. It was just starting to heal, and now it was newly bruised.

He stormed out of the den and I was immediately on my knees, collecting Ellie into my arms. She was crying silent tears and she was trembling. I rocked her back and forth, whispering soothingly, "Don't believe anything he said. They weren't true, okay?"

I chanted those words again and again, desperately trying to negate everything Charlie said to her, especially the part about her drawings. I didn't want her to lose her self-esteem and her confidence when it came to her art. It was the only thing she truly enjoyed; she dreamed of being an artist someday. And that dream was not something I could let Charlie steal away, too. He already took away her childhood, her happiness, and her well-being. I would not let her dreams be crushed. They were the only things she could truly rely on.

After a while, just as her tears were slowly disappearing, I asked, "Can I see what you were working on?"

She nodded against my chest, and I shifted her so that I could reach the crumpled piece of paper that Charlie had thrown. I spread it open and I was greeted by an image of a little girl, and a bigger one, probably a woman, holding hands and both eating ice cream. It was such a nice drawing that anyone won't believe that it was drawn by an eight year old. It was detailed in the best way that my sister could do and I could faintly recognize the face of the little girl.

"Is this you?" I asked, pointing at the little girl.

"Yes," Ellie answered, hoarsely.

I wondered who the bigger girl was, though there was something familiar about the face.

"Who's this?"

"That's the nice lady who buys me ice cream every day after school, before you pick me up."

"Didn't I tell you not to talk to strangers?" I asked, my voice revealing a mixture of confusion and slight anger.

"But she's my friend!" Ellie defended, moving away from me in my arms and grabbing the drawing from my hand. "She's nice."

Yeah, I would have to be the judge of that. There was just something so intriguing about the woman's face but I couldn't quite pinpoint what it was. I needed to see this woman in person.

"Would you mind if I could see her, after school, on Monday? I asked, tentatively.

Her face lit up at what I said and she exclaimed, "Of course, Jazzy! You'll really like her and you could be her friend too!"


	6. Possibilities Breed Complacency: Interim

Abby is my beta and she is awesome. So are the girls over at PTB. They all make this chapter better than what it was originally.

Disclaimer: I do not own Twilight and any of the characters. But, the plot and Ellie are mine.

* * *

**BROKEN ROAD**

Possibilities Breed Complacency: Interim

_"What's past is past, it's too bloody late to do anything else. I've been very blessed and lucky in my life. To want to change the path of destiny is kind of a mistake, it leads to discontent. I don't feel complacent, but I feel content. " ~ Christine McVie_

**_Jasper Swan_**

To say I was agitated by the prospect of meeting this woman Ellie had so quickly become friends with was an understatement. I knew my sister, and I trusted her judgment when it came to the people she chose to talk to, seeing as she was so picky because of her trust issues. She'd be friends with anyone in a snap, as long as that someone wasn't mean to her, didn't bully her, and didn't treat her unfairly. But that didn't mean I was entirely sure that this woman was on the good side or not. I knew I shouldn't be labelling her without even meeting her yet, but mostly it was because I was afraid of who she might turn out to be. I'd be honest, I was glad Ellie had found someone to talk to besides the three of us, and I was more than grateful for the acceptance this person had shown so far; a part of me still wished my sister would find friends her age, though, instead of a middle-aged woman. What was troubling me was the possibility that this friendliness might not last. A lot of people had loved us and treated us fairly in the past, but when the most important person to us walked out of our lives, she took every ounce of love and left hostility, pain, and loneliness. And, I didn't want that to happen again. Ever since Ellie first told me about her afternoon talks with this woman she wouldn't stop talking about her, and I would not let any ounce of betrayal from this "Mystery Woman" (as Jacob had nicknamed her) wipe away the joy in my baby sister's face and words. This was her first real friend outside the family and I didn't want it to end badly for her.

I couldn't quite fathom the familiarity of the woman, though. I asked Bella and Jacob, and they said they might have seen that person before but perhaps it was a long time ago and the woman had now changed. But something inside me confirmed that I _had _seen this woman before, talked to her even. Despite staring at the drawing for hours on end, I still couldn't put a finger on who it could be. I was struck with a surge of hope when I realized Ellie hadn't told me what the woman's name was. Maybe if I knew the name, I would be able to identify her. I asked her while she cooked lunch with me on Sunday, but as she stirred the spaghetti noodles, she drifted into thought and said that the woman never really told her her name. Then I asked how long she had known this woman, to which she said only for a week. I nodded sceptically when she told me that, wondering where on earth this woman came from and why, of all people, it was my sister she chose to be kind to. Not that I was complaining.

So now, I was sitting in Chemistry, not listening to whatever the teacher was explaining about chemical equilibrium. I couldn't understand the constant need to explain the unexplainable, especially things that no human will ever see anyway — like whatever number of moles is present in ammonia to stabilize the equation. Yeah, like that would really make a big difference. Who cares about those things anyway? Oh yeah, those people who were bored out of their minds one day and just randomly said, "Hey! Why don't I count the number of molecules in a pinch of salt?"

I mentally slapped myself when I realized I'd gotten distracted. I glanced at the clock above the blackboard and sighed. Ten more minutes, which meant Ellie had already been out of school for twenty. I wondered if she was with the woman already. I specifically asked her to not tell the woman I would be coming, though. Something inside me told me not to.

I had no choice but to endure the rest of the class discussion, because getting detention wasn't one of the top things on my to-do list. I kept glancing at the clock every now and then and I knew the teacher was starting to notice, but I didn't care. I drummed my fingers on the table for the last five minutes of class. I got more and more anxious as the second hand neared the number six on the clock. I didn't hear the last points uttered in class in my anxious need to get out of the classroom at once. My anticipation was now seasoned with nervousness I couldn't understand. What could possibly happen with this mystery woman for me to feel almost as nervous as during the times when I knew Charlie was about to hurt us?

After I picked up Bella from Biology and Jake caught up with us, we went to the parking lot and got in the Rabbit. I tried not to drive above the speed limit, especially now that it was drizzling again. I knew my brother and sister could feel the anxiety rolling off me and they were sharing amused looks, thinking I couldn't see through my peripheral vision.

Finally, we reached the elementary school and I pulled over. As usual, there were almost no kids left waiting, and I saw Ellie sitting on the farthest bench, nearest to the school steps. I got out, and went over to where my sister was.

I approached her and she looked up at me. Judging by the look in her eyes, she wasn't expecting me yet.

"You're early, Jazzy," she exclaimed excitedly. She had her drawing book in her hands again. I sat down next to her. I checked my watch, and apparently in my hurry, I got out of school and arrived here ten minutes earlier than usual.

"Is she here yet?" I wondered, realizing I had completely neglected the fact that the reason I rushed here in the first place was nowhere to be found. I looked down at Ellie as she shook her head slowly. A gloomy expression crossed her eyes.

"Not yet. Maybe she's late again," she mumbled, her eyes scanning our surroundings. A miserable look crossed her eyes.

If she was sad now, just because the woman was late, what would happen when this woman stopped seeing her for good?

I moved closer to her and draped my arm around her shoulders. My anxiety doubled, for some reason. Ellie started sketching again. I peeked down at her work while she drew. I was astonished by the intricacy of her sketch again. It was too soon to tell what the picture would turn out to be, but I could already see an 8 year old's masterpiece in the works. The little Picasso.

"Hello, little lady."

I snapped my head up when I heard it. I would recognize that voice from anywhere, especially in my nightmares. It was the voice that once brought me comfort whenever I failed in baseball, and the voice that called me to dinner every night.

Now that voice sparked betrayal, pain, and abandonment.

I looked at its source. Thousands of images and thoughts flashed through my mind. The light brown hair that curled at the ends. The overly pale skin. The carefree facial expression. The slightly pointed nose. _The eyes_. The blue eyes that looked so much like mine.

_Mom. Renee. Mom. Renee. Mom, Mom, Mom._

That fucking bitch had no right to be here. She left us already, was she deciding to come back? There's no fucking way I was going to just let her strut back into our lives. No way.

I finally understood why Ellie's drawing looked so familiar. She had drawn our mom, and she didn't even know it was her. All she knew was that it was a nice lady who bought her ice cream after school. For some reason, I pitied Ellie and her innocence, and maybe ignorance in this situation. For the last few days, she had been spending time with her long lost mother and she had no idea how close she was to the person that destroyed her childhood.

But, as I looked at our mother again for the first time in five years, I felt a surge of relief—relief that she was still alive and that she looked healthy, somewhat. I never thought I would feel this way when I saw her again. What was I thinking? I'd been mad at this woman for the past few years, thinking of never forgiving her, and here I was relieved that she was at least still alive. Maybe she finally settled down with a man who understood her and her tendency to be irrational.

My relief in seeing her well and healthy did not overpower the sudden rage I felt, though. _What_ was she doing back here? And why did she decide to play around with Ellie, probably knowing she would leave and break Ellie's heart again? Not like Ellie remembered the first time. _I_ did. I remembered how I felt the day she left, the way Bella cried when we found out, and Jacob's delinquent attitude for almost a year after it happened. I didn't want Ellie to have to go through that, even if they hadn't spent that much time together. If Renee came back here just to hurt us all over again, I'd kill her before she got a chance. And, there was no way I was going to let her see Ellie again. Even if it meant Ellie would be hurt by what I would do. But, it would be better if I was the one to upset her, rather than Renee.

I focused on Renee's face and glowered at her, but she didn't seem to notice that I was there. Her eyes were on my little sister and I thought I saw a caring and tender expression cross them. Almost motherly.

I wanted to puke. Renee was anything but motherly.

As Ellie was about to respond to her, I stood up and yelled, "What are you doing here?!"

Renee was startled and took a step back. Realization dawned on her and she relaxed, some.

"Jazz? Is that you, baby? God, you've grown up so much," she said softly. She started to move forward with her arms open, expecting me to hug her. Yeah, right.

"Stay away from me," I snapped. "You stay away from us. Don't you ever talk to Ellie again!"

"Jasper, what are you saying?" she asked timidly. I could sense that she was slightly afraid of me, given her facial expression and tone of voice.

I pointed at her as I pulled Ellie and hid her behind my back. "Don't you ever come back here! You left us, remember? Stick to your decision!"

I glared at her, furiously. Then, I took a step back and began to walk away. Renee didn't say or do anything. She just stood there.

"Come on, Ellie," I said angrily, taking my little sister's wrist and pulling her towards the car. She struggled against me as she looked back at our mother but I was too strong for her. She started crying once she got into the car. I went over to the driver's side, and got in, still fuming.

"Why did you get mad at her, Jazzy?" Ellie demanded, yelling at me from the backseat. She was upset at what I did, and I saw it coming.

I was still angry, so I couldn't control the words that came out my mouth.

"Because she's a bitch, and I don't want you to talk to her again!" I answered her, gripping the steering wheel tightly as I started the ignition. I didn't care that I had just cursed our mother in front of my baby sister.

"But she's my friend!" Ellie argued, her voice raising an octave. My anger doubled at her words.

"She will never be your friend!" I yelled. Out of my peripheral vision, I saw Bella shoot me a look. I ignored it. "I've spent years reminding you that you can't just trust people like that. And you just had to ignore what I said, and pick _her_ as a friend! Just because you have a hard time making friends at school doesn't mean you can just pick out the first person who seems nice to you, just because she buys you ice cream! You could have at least made an effort with people your own age and just stopped being so fucking shy and —"

"Shut your mouth!" Jacob suddenly yelled, cutting me off. I snapped my mouth shut.

_Oh God, what have I just said?_

"She's already hurting and you're making it worse," Jacob spat. I glanced at the rear view mirror and saw that Ellie was a sobbing heap on Jacob's lap.

To say that I felt horrible was an understatement. Ellie's cries from the backseat pierced my heart right to the core, and I instantly regretted everything I had said. I had no right to say those things to her, despite my anger. Because she wasn't the one I was mad at and yet I had taken my anger out on her, and that wasn't warranted. I knew my words were daggers to her heart but there was no taking them back, no matter how much I wanted to. This was worse than that day in the laundry room; I had taken it too far. I had let my anger get to me, and I ended up hurting my baby sister. I should have just reprimanded her about her attitude towards strangers but instead, I ended up saying things that were much worse. God, I was so insensitive. I knew how she felt about making friends, and other people in general, but I was just too irrational and I let it get to me. How could she ever forgive me for this?

"Ellie, I'm sorry..." I started, even though I already knew an apology would be useless. "I didn't mean —"

I was cut off by Bella. "Don't, Jasper."

I looked at her and I was forced to sigh in defeat. I could tell she was angry at me too. She glared at me before looking at our siblings in the backseat. Ellie was still sobbing. Before I realized what she was doing, Bella had unbuckled her seat belt and climbed into the back seat. I glanced at the rear view mirror again and I saw that Bella had pulled Ellie onto her lap and was whispering soothing words to her. Jacob, seeing me glance at them, glared at me seethingly.

With that look, I knew. I knew it was me against the three of them. And again, it was our mother's fault.

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A/N: Jasper is conflicted, forgive him...


	7. Possibilities Breed Complacency: Part 2

**Many thanks to Abby, my awesome beta. Thank PTB as well, for their patience.**

**Disclaimer: I do not own anything except the plot and Ellie.**

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**BROKEN ROAD**

Possibilities Breed Complacency: Part 2

_"One of the things we look at is a sense of complacency where you take things for granted. He'd probably made that maneuver many, many times, and this time it ended in tragedy." ~ Gary Davis_

_**Jasper Swan**_

The rest of the ride home was excruciating. Not one word was spoken and I couldn't find the guts to start the talking. It was like there was an invisible barrier that separating the driver's seat from the backseat. The silence was taunting me, making my guilt worse than it already was. Was that all that I would ever feel for the rest of my life—guilt? Were guilt and regret the only emotions I was capable of feeling?

I tried my best to avoid looking in the rearview mirror just so that I wouldn't see my siblings' faces. I wouldn't be able to retain my composure if I saw their disappointed expressions. I drove safely back home, but everything was a blur to me. I found myself in our room alone, without really knowing how I got there. I knew I walked but was too preoccupied to really care about what I was doing.

I rubbed my face with my hands furiously and groaned in frustration. How was I supposed to fix this mess? First, Renee decided to show up in our lives again. Now, my brother and sisters, the three people I cared most about in the world, were not talking to me. If she hadn't come, I wouldn't have said those things to Ellie, and the only thing I would be worrying about now was getting dinner on the table. But no, my mother, the source of all our problems and distress, chose the perfect time to make a comeback.

I asked myself the same question I pondered this afternoon at school. Why did Renee choose to talk to Ellie? Now I knew the answer. _'Cause Ellie's her daughter, stupid. _Why the hell did I _not_ think of that? I asked myself sarcastically. Ellie's her baby girl, why on earth would Renee pass up the opportunity to see her?

I wasn't going to lie; I knew this was bound to happen eventually. I knew Renee would show back up again, but I hadn't expected it to be so soon. I thought she'd show up the day Ellie got married or when one of us graduated from college. But, I never thought that she would have enough guts to show up in a public place here in Forks, knowing that her ex-husband was the Chief of Police of this tiny town. Had she forgotten that gossip spread easily here? It made sense, though, seeing as she changed her appearance from the ideal stay-at-home mom to the classic hobo type. I now knew why I thought the drawing Ellie showed me last Saturday was familiar yet couldn't figure out who she was. The Renee I remembered from my childhood wasn't the same woman I had met less than an hour ago. She was no longer the person that I used to call 'Mom'.

If only Renee knew what she caused when she left. If only she knew how much pain her three youngest children had been through because of her departure. Not only did they miss her tremendously, they also had to endure the wrath of the man that she left. She wasn't there when they needed her the most, and her responsibility in taking care of them and comforting them was passed on to me. Add the fact that Charlie was a father to us as often as snow fell in California, and I was left with the burden of filling both parents' shoes. I wanted to tell her how difficult it was to raise three kids without support from anyone else. I wanted to yell every profanity I knew and even then, she wouldn't have felt a third of what we've been through ever since she walked out of our lives. God, I wanted to strangle her.

I lay there for a while longer, trying not to think. After a few minutes, I shot up, annoyed at myself for not doing anything to put things right. I glanced at the clock, realized it was already five and made a beeline for the door. I had to start dinner. I took the kitchen stairs so that I wouldn't have to see my siblings in the living room. I wasn't ready to face them just yet.

When I entered the kitchen, Jacob was rummaging around for something in the refrigerator. I was stomping when I went down and, he had heard me come in. With one hand holding a cup of yogurt, he slammed the refrigerator door as he glared at me. He rolled his eyes as if he was disgusted while I stood there, unmoving. I was afraid that if I said something, he'd snap at me, and I didn't want to fight with Jacob. He exited the kitchen, probably disappointed that I didn't fight back. I heaved a sigh of relief and proceeded to make their favorite meal: mac and cheese. I placed the pasta in a dish, added water, popped it in the microwave and set the table while the food heated. I placed the plates on the table slowly, stalling. When the pasta was done, I prolonged my mixing time, almost to the point that I made sure every piece of pasta was covered completely in cheese. After placing portions on each plate and setting aside one for Charlie, I knew it was time to face the inevitable.

"Guys! Dinner!"

I sat down in my chair and started eating. It would be too awkward if they entered the kitchen, and I was just standing there.

The three of them sat down without saying a word to me or to one another. Out of the corner of my eye, I saw Ellie hesitate before taking her seat beside me. We ate in silence, the tension between us bothering me more and more. All I could hear were forks hitting the plates. I had a sick feeling in my stomach, and I had a hard time trying to keep my food down. It was the first time this had happened to us, and I didn't like it. Now, I was desperately hoping Charlie wouldn't walk in and make things worse.

I nearly jumped when Jacob slammed his fork down on his plate and roughly stood up. He didn't bother to place his plate in the sink and retreated upstairs. I huffed, knowing I wouldn't be able to do anything about his behavior. It was my fault anyway.

I glanced at my sisters, my eyes meeting Bella's, but she looked away quickly. I looked back at my food, and it definitely didn't look appealing anymore.

"May I be excused?" Ellie suddenly asked, hesitantly. I looked down at her questioningly and glanced at her plate. It was still full; she had barely eaten anything.

"Finish your food first, then you can go," I said firmly. I felt like a hypocrite. I was making her finish her food when I knew I wouldn't be able to scarf down any more of mine. Well, at least Ellie was talking to me instead of blatantly disregarding me like Jacob did.

I looked Ellie in the eye, showing her that I meant what I said. She may be mad at me still, but I needed her to listen to me and finish her food. She just avoided my gaze and looked miserably at her barely touched mac and cheese. Part of me wanted to let her do what she wanted. But she was still angry at me, and I didn't want her to think that just because she felt that way, she could do whatever she wanted. Besides, she was becoming thinner and thinner each day, and she was barely getting any taller.

A few seconds passed before she spoke again. "I'm not hungry anymore," she mumbled, as she picked at her food.

I sighed exasperatedly and said, "Finish what's on your plate, Ellie."

She shook her head miserably, and I knew raising my voice would make matters worse. My anger, because of what happened this afternoon, was slowly overpowering me again.

I pushed my chair away from the table and turned to face her, running my hands through my hair in frustration.

"You haven't eaten anything. You have to finish the food that's given to you," I scolded her, making my voice as calm as possible. She shook her head pleadingly, her bottom lip quivering.

"Just a few more bites, Ellie," Bella suddenly added, setting her fork aside, signaling that she was already finished. Obviously, Ellie didn't like the fact that Bella and me seemed to be on the same page. She would feel like we were ganging up on her. Moreover, since Bella was supposedly mad at me too, Ellie would feel betrayed that Bella decided to side with me. I knew she felt that way, especially when her eyes pooled with tears for the second time today.

"I'm not hungry!" she cried, her bottom lip jutting out. She was trying not to cry. "You can't force me to eat!" she yelled at me. She stood from her chair and ran to the living room.

Her attitude irritated me.

"ELLIE SWAN! I did not excuse you from the dinner table!"

I followed her, Bella trailing behind me.

Ellie, ignoring what I said, plopped down on the floor and reached for a piece of paper on the coffee table. She was drawing on it, I could tell. She was not getting away with this behavior. I ambled over to where she was and crossed my arms across my chest.

"Was that proper behavior? Look at me," I demanded. Bella was anxiously watching from behind me.

Ellie didn't answer and just continued drawing. She didn't look up at me nor acknowledged my presence. I couldn't let this go on any longer. If I needed to reprimand her then I had to, no matter what the consequences would be, as long as she learned that what she was doing was wrong.

"Ellie, I asked you a question," I continued sternly. She still ignored me.

I couldn't take it anymore.

I snatched the paper from her hands, crumpling it slightly, and tossed it to the floor. My hands were shaking from rage, and I felt Bella pull my shirt back. Ellie stared at me in shock and before I knew it, she burst into tears. With that, my anger dissipated as fast as it had come. I reached out to my baby sister, but she cringed away from me just as Jacob appeared at the foot of the stairs. One look at his face told me he was going to snap.

"WHAT THE _HELL _DID YOU DO?"

I couldn't answer him, the shame catching up with me. My arms fell limply at my sides as I turned to go outside, not having the guts to look at any of them. I sat on the topmost step of the back porch and buried my head in my hands.

I felt horrible. I had slipped up and lost my control twice today, thrice if I counted the one with Renee. But, the latter didn't really matter to me. I felt much worse over what I'd done to Ellie. I mean, I knew she was still upset over what I had said to her in the car, and I just completely disregarded that and snapped at her again. What was wrong with me? I'd never been a short-tempered person but somehow, that changed today. I blamed my mother. I always did, and now I had a valid reason. Her reappearance today made me angry all the more; just thinking about her made me want to scream at someone... _anyone_. Turns out, I yelled and upset the wrong person and there was definitely no taking it back, seeing as I'd done it twice in a row.

I can't say I really blamed Ellie for the attitude she'd shown during dinner. She's only eight, she didn't know who Renee was, and she was distraught because of what went down at school and during the car ride home. It was hard for her to understand why I wasn't happy with her newfound friend. She had no idea about what could happen if she continued to see our mother. Hell, she had absolutely no idea how much more it would hurt if it was Renee who snapped at her, instead of me. Ellie just wanted a friend to talk to, something she was horrendously deprived of all her life. She had a tough time trying fitting in with her classmates, and I knew how hard that was for her. I just never realized it until now. It was similar to what Bella went through at school every day, but it was still different. Bella had me and Jacob, but Ellie was alone. How she managed to endure school for the whole day was beyond me. She kept it to herself for a year as well, and I couldn't imagine how unbearable that must've been for her.

I recalled that morning in the laundry room again and how Ellie got scared because she thought I was going to hit her like Charlie did. It was worse today, and I knew it. Even though I just used words (although I knew they were much worse), the moment Ellie cringed away from my reach, I knew she thought I was going to slap her or something. I hated that she felt that way. I hated _myself_ for making her feel that way. I was the one with the problem, and it's unfair for her. I was the one who disliked Ellie's friendship with our mother, and my baby sister shouldn't suffer any more than she already was just because of that.

I heard the sliding door open suddenly and looked behind me. Bella gave me a small smile before sitting beside me, pulling her knees to her chest and wrapping her arms around her legs.

"You know you're lucky I can't stay mad at you for too long," Bella said, picking at the end of her shoelaces. I laughed inwardly at her humor, and she smiled at me again, less forced now. She made me feel better with just one sentence.

I didn't know what to say, but I knew Bella would understand. I placed my arms on top of my knees and just looked at nothing in particular. It was drizzling again. No surprise there.

"She looked different, didn't she?" Bella suddenly asked. It took me a moment to realize that she wasn't talking about Ellie. I didn't answer at once, making sure my emotions were in check. I didn't want to snap at Bella, too.

I took a deep breath before answering. "Yeah, she did. At first glance, I didn't think it was her," I replied. "And thank God, she decided to grow out —"

"— her bangs, yeah. They didn't look as horrible as they did before," Bella said, finishing my sentence. We both laughed at that, remembering how weird our mother looked the day she came home from the salon with bangs that were less than an inch long. No matter how much Renee explained how it was a new fashion trend, Bella, Jacob and I couldn't control our amusement. It was hilarious.

Silence fell between the two of us as our laughter died down. I knew I had to ask the unavoidable question now.

"Were you okay? You know, when you saw her and realized it was Mom?" I asked, looking at my sister's face, gauging her reaction. She looked away from me and gazed into the distance.

"I was surprised. I wasn't expecting her. Why did she go see Ellie ... not us?" she admitted sadly, placing her chin on her knees.

"Bella..."

I glanced at her, and shame and guilt clouded her eyes. I knew how she was feeling right now. She hadn't said anything of this nature for several years, and I knew Mom's reappearance today triggered her resentful side, something only I was allowed to see. And, it was the first time in five years that I'd seen it. I knew that if I told her off, she'd just lash out at me.

She shook her head quickly, telling me to completely ignore what she had just said.

"I-It's not just that," she stammered, wiping her eyes with the back of her sleeve. She sniffed and continued, "I just never realized how much I missed her until I saw her again. I thought I was okay, but... I guess not."

I was surprised by Bella's unexpected honesty. This was one of the few times she bluntly admitted to me that she wasn't okay and that she missed Mom. Before, I would have killed for her to just tell me how she really felt and not sugarcoat anything. Now that she did, I wasn't sure I really liked it, mostly because I didn't like the way her expression became sadder the moment she uttered the words. I didn't say anything, knowing that she wasn't really expecting me to respond to what she said. If I did, she'd accuse me of judging her and trying to make her feel better when the situation obviously didn't allow it. Doing nothing, though, never sat well with me, so I just placed my arm around her shoulders, giving her a gentle squeeze.

"What are you going to tell Ellie?"

"I don't know. How am I supposed to tell her the truth when she's so perceptive and could easily connect the dots? How do you think she'll feel about Renee, "her friend," if she finds out Renee's her mother who left her?" I pointed out.

"She deserves to know, Jazz," Bella argued. "I know you may not think so, but it's better if you don't lie. She'll find out eventually."

I pondered on what she said but couldn't quite decide. "Ellie's still mad at me," I stated, addressing my biggest concern.

Bella shrugged off my arm lightly and pulled away. She reached into the back pocket of her jeans and pulled out a folded piece of paper. "She asked me to give you this," Bella explained.

I took the paper curiously, wondering what it could be. I unfolded it, and my heart melted at the picture. It was a drawing of a little girl standing hand in hand with a teenage boy. I knew who the little girl was before even reading the caption which said, _Me and Jazzy...He's my bestest friend. _I couldn't control the smile that spread across my face. My baby sister, always the forgiving and understanding one.

"She said she was —" Bella began, but she was interrupted by screams coming from inside the house. The two of us exchanged frightened looks before getting up and running back into the living room. I folded the paper and placed it into my pocket quickly, not planning on losing it.

The first thing I saw was Jacob getting up from the floor with a bloody bottom lip. This wasn't good; Charlie never deliberately hit him. My panic rose when I heard Charlie snarl from around the corner, in the foyer. I already knew what he was doing before I got there, seeing as Ellie wasn't in the living room anymore.

"Where's my friggin' dinner, you little bitch?" Charlie slurred demandingly, gripping Ellie's hair tightly, pulling her head back to look at him. Ellie looked at me pleadingly while Charlie was oblivious to my entrance.

Rage consumed me as I ran forward and gripped our father's shoulder tightly, pulling him away from my little sister with as much strength as I could muster. Charlie stumbled as I tried to pick Ellie up from the floor, but he regained his footing and turned to face me. Before I knew it, I felt something sting across my cheek, and I realized that Charlie had slapped me. I placed my palm on my left cheekbone in surprise, looking up at my father.

It was the first time he had hit me. Ever.

I knew he realized what he had done to me the moment I made eye contact with him. His stance weakened and he huffed, placing his hands on his gear around his waist. I was breathing heavily, not knowing what was going to happen next. I knew Charlie had realized his mistake; it was a shock for both of us.

After a few seconds of us staring at each other, he recovered and pointed at Ellie, who was now hugging Bella around the middle tightly, his expression scary once more.

"You're worthless, you know that?" Charlie sneered. Ellie whimpered in fright and I approached her and lifted her into my arms. My shirt was soaked with her tears by the time Charlie spoke again.

"Little bastard."

He just muttered, so I wasn't sure if I heard it correctly. I stared at his back in confusion as he disappeared into the kitchen. I decided not to worry about what he said, but something about it still bothered me.

I patted the back of Ellie's head, trying to get her to calm down. I sauntered into the living room, tightening my grip on Ellie. I sat beside Jacob on the couch as he dabbed at his lip with a face towel. Ellie propped her feet up on either side of me and rested her head on my chest, sniffling. Bella looked down at her then at me, and she nodded in consideration. I sighed, peeking down at Ellie's tear-stained face as Bella pulled Jacob into the downstairs bathroom to treat his lip.

"Are you okay, sweetie?" I asked tentatively, brushing Ellie's hair away from her face. She lifted her head from my chest and faced me, two fat tears leaking from her eyes.

"I'm sorry, Jazzy!" she wailed. "I didn't mean to yell at you. I'm sorry! Please don't be mad."

I hugged her tightly to me, wishing her sadness would go away. I was the one at fault, yet she was the one desperately apologizing.

"I'm not mad anymore, sweetheart," I told her soothingly, resting my cheek on top of her head. "And, I'm sorry, too. I know sorry won't even cover for what I said. But, I want you to know that I didn't mean anything that I said to you. I was just so angry and I forgot to think before I spoke. I wasn't thinking clearly, and I know I'm making dumb excuses right now, but I want you to remember that I am not angry at you and I never was. You did nothing wrong, okay? Sometimes life just gets complicated, and people forget how to deal with their problems. I'm so sorry."

Ellie looked back up at me and patted my cheek, reminding me that there was a bruise that was probably already forming there.

"Are you okay?" she asked me softly.

I chuckled at her concern and joked, "It's just a bruise, Ells. It's not that big."

She pouted for a second, and then she looked down again. She fiddled with her fingers, and I knew there was something else she wanted to say. I placed a finger under her chin and made her look at me again. Her eyes were downcast.

"What is it?"

Tears started pooling in her eyes again as she said, "I'm sorry."

"For what?"

"For lying to you. I didn't tell you the truth," Ellie admitted, finally making eye contact with me as a tear rolled down her cheek.

My eyes narrowed. "What do you mean?" I asked.

She took a deep breath before answering me. "I know what her name is. She told me. But, she said I shouldn't tell you. So I didn't," she explained timidly, wiping her eyes.

I wiped her tears with my thumbs and pulled her face upwards so that I could see her face clearly. "Do you want to tell me?"

She nodded.

"Tanya."

I suppressed the urge to roll my eyes, in fear that Ellie might misinterpret it. Renee was such a conniving, lying bitch, even to her own daughter. She made a pseudonym for herself just so that she could hide her identity from me. Maybe that's why she was surprised when she saw me this afternoon. She wasn't expecting Ellie to tell me. Well, if she hadn't left, Charlie wouldn't have gotten mad at Ellie the day she was drawing, and I wouldn't have discovered that damn picture. But, I kept my cool, for the sake of the sad little girl sitting on my lap.

"It's okay. I'm not mad," I assured her, smoothing her hair back. Then I asked her the question that'd been playing in the back of my mind since the moment Ellie asked me why I got mad at Renee this afternoon.

"Do you want me to talk to her tomorrow after school? With you?"

"You promise not to get mad at her again?"

"I promise."

I pulled over at Forks Elementary at exactly 3:35. Bella and Jacob opted to say in the car again, knowing it might make things worse if all of us crowded around Renee. I turned off the ignition and got out, immediately seeing Ellie sitting with Renee on the same bench she was at yesterday. I clenched my fists at my sides as I made my way over to them, controlling the irrational anger the best I could. Ellie looked up happily and patted Renee on the arm to tell her that I was already here. Renee's expression immediately changed from carefree to guarded, her smile wavering conspicuously.

"Jazzy, sit beside me. Tanya's telling a story," Ellie said excitedly as I reached them. Renee glanced at her youngest daughter then stared at me, confused.

I glared at my mother as she said, "Haven't you told her who I am?"


	8. IMPORTANT AUTHOR'S NOTE

First of all, I'd like all of you readers, especially those who reviewed, to know that I appreciate the kind support and following you have dedicated to this story of mine, even though I haven't updated in God knows how long. I am truly sorry for leaving you guys hanging but I hope all of you can understand.

I started this story when I was in high school, obviously having tons of free time then. I am now a sophomore in college though, so absolutely no free time. Besides maintaining my grades, and juggling to have some sort of social life, I really haven't had much time to spend on fanfiction anymore. So long story short, I'm giving up on writing for now. Wait, 'giving up' is too heavy. If anything, I'm just putting it on hold until the time comes when I can write again.

So to all my dear readers and dearest reviewers, I am now putting this story up for ADOPTION. I'm giving up writing but there's a part of me that doesn't want to give up on this story. And even though I won't be the one finishing it, I hope one of you guys will be up for it. I really, really do hope so. It's a bit cheesy, but I do want Jasper to finish his story. I had high hope for this story, and I do have the plot line in my mind, I know exactly where this is going. So if anyone wants to continue this, I'm absolutely willing to spill all the details regarding the future in the plot so that he/she can continue writing this. The future author, though, is free to continue the story the way he/she may want to.

So to anyone who is willing (I sure do hope someone is), PRIVATE MESSAGE ME on this site or DROP ME AN ASK ON MY TUMBLR (See link on Profile). I am truly sorry for discontinuing this story, but as we all know, life is a bitch and it does catch up on us.

xxx


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